ChaoSkeptic

I Wanna Be a Debaser

2011-06-17T06:20:00.000-04:00

Un chien andalou: Surrealism at its peak.

Peter Popoff, the Unsinkable Rubber Duck

2011-06-10T07:55:00.001-04:00

One of James Randi's most famous debunkings is when he exposed "faith healer" Peter Popoff on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Randi and Alec Jason showed that Popoff was using radio transmissions from his wife who was working the crowd. Popoff went bankrupt shortly after that and went into obscurity for about a decade. But like any good conman he didn't give up the game. He's been doing informercials on BET for several years now and has gotten back into the faith healing business. Recently CFI Canada caught up to him in Toronto and filmed this video:

Tyler Durden, Patron Saint of Mayhem

2011-06-08T07:36:00.000-04:00

[SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen or read Fight Club... well, fuck you. It's been out for 12 years (15 for the book). If anything is spoiled by this post it is your own damn fault.] fnord

It has been a long while since I have added anyone to the Discordian pantheon so I believe this is over due. Today I am adding one Tyler Durden to the ever growing list of Discordian saints. I haven't checked to see if anyone else has made him a saint but I am automatically excommunicating them, to be recommunicated at a later date.

Let me tell you a little bit about Tyler Durden...

When you think about it, Tyler Durden is one of the defining characters of our generation. The second best character of the 1990s and easily in the top 20 of the twentieth century. He is the archetype of the Sensei For Scoundrels and Chaotic Neutral. He is Anarchy incarnate. He look like you wanna look, he fuck like you wanna fuck, he's smart, capable and most importantly, he's free in all the ways that you are not. He is the constant reminder that you are not a beautiful or unique snowflake And the strangest part is that he is the imagination of an imagination, a fiction within a fiction. He is probably the most famous imaginary friend besides Mr. Aloysius Snuffleupagus and Blooregard Q. Kazoo. fnord

But more importantly, he is the Disorder in sharp contrast to the Narrator's Order. Together they reflect the Sacred Chao that is eternally struggling within all of us. Fight Club shows us that if you have too much Order in your life you end up with a soul-killing job, being owned by your possessions. But if you have too much Disorder you end up as a domestic terrorist with hamburger for a face.

But that's not to say that Tyler is without his good qualities. He was able to help many fatherless boys become the men they were supposed to be. He saved Marla's life (but that was probably for ulterior motives). And the "Human Sacrifice" scene is one of the best examples of Chaotic Good in modern cinema. fnord

If you want further proof that Tyler is perfect candidate for Discordian saint, just look at Project Mayhem, the terrorist organization that he put together to take down civilization. The committees are Arson, Assault, Mischief, and Misinformation. "Organized Chaos. The Bureaucracy of Anarchy." (Should have one more to make it an even five.) And the frames of porno he spliced into films is a great example of subliminal messaging. fnord

So, I've over-analyzed this too much already. By the power invested in me by the Goddess Eris I declare Tyler Durden to be the Patron Saint of Mayhem and Soap. Be careful invoking this particular saint though. Your survival rate may drop to zero very quickly.

I'll leave you with my favorite scene from the movie. This is a chemical burn:

Puns are a Disease

2011-06-07T07:20:00.000-04:00

My personal stance is that puns are never funny. They can be clever but never enough to get a laugh. More often than not they induce a groan instead. That being said, this clip from The Bugle podcast is impressive in a sick and twisted kind of way:

Not Waving But Drowning

2011-06-02T07:07:00.002-04:00

This story fills me with all kinds of conflicting feelings:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

On the one hand, this man, Raymond Zack, chose his fate. He set out to die on his own terms in the waves off of San Francisco and that's just what he did. On the other hand, there is a high possibility he was suffering from a mental illness and could have been helped. But the Coast Guard didn't have the boats. The rescue copter was busy saving someone else. The local fire department was handcuffed by the cruel god Bureaucracy. The rest of the crowd was paralyzed by fear. I hate using the term Kafkaesque but that's exactly what this is. No one is a winner in this situation.

(title of this post is a reference to "Not Waving but Drowning" by Stevie Smith)

Either the Best or Worst Movie Ever

2011-05-31T07:21:00.000-04:00

Speaking of messed up Christian sex values...

I'm not sure where to even go with this trailer. It seems to be a good example of how Christians fetishize virginity and "purity". As someone in the YouTube comments noted, the guy is more excited about losing his virginity than the fact that he's going to be getting married. This kind of attitude is the cause of some very bad marriages. And it's proof that lack of sex will eventually cause mental disorders.

(Hat tip to Unreasonable Faith, the Friendly Atheist, and Blag Hag. Yes, it took three people posting it before I'd actually watch the trailer.)

The Discordian Non-Coalition

2011-05-30T05:41:00.003-04:00

Thanks to a suggestion by Jerry Coyne on his blog Why Evolution is True I've been reading Religion Explained by Pascal Boyer. (And by recently I mean over the last 3 months. I'm a notoriously slow reader when it comes to books.) It's a very interesting book in that it tackles religion from the perspective of anthropology while other books on the subject that I have read have used the routes of evolutionary psychology, cognitive science and lots and lots of sex.

Boyer does a good job of tying a lot of things together like why human inference systems like to create supernatural beings, why funerals and weddings are so important, why religions that are based on holy books are so different from "native" religions, and, definitely the most interesting to me, why coalitions are so important to society.

One of the most solid and famous findings of social psychology is that it is trivially easy to create strong feelings of group membership and solidarity between arbitrarily chosen group members. All it takes is to divide a set of participants and assign them to, say, the Blue group and the Red group. Once membership is clearly established, get them to perform some trivial task (any task will do) with members of their team. In a very short time, people are better disposed toward members of their group than toward the others.
- Pascal Boyer - Religion Explained

As someone who is about as social backwards as a slightly retarded chihuahua I've never given much thought to the types of coalitions that make up society. I've never been good at joining or forming coalitions, but more on that later. Coalitions are the glue that keeps any society together. Whether you know it or not you are currently in a coalition with your family, your friends, your neighbors, your coworkers, your local/state/national governments, and everyone else on this planet. In all of these coalitions you are expected to act a certain way at all times. Your family expects you to have their back, your friends expect you to talk to them every once in awhile, your neighbors expect you to not play your music too loud, your coworkers expect you to do your job on time, your government expects you to not violate someone else's rights, and everyone else expects you to not to go on a killing spree. It's a heavy burden but we all must share it together. Each coalition has its benefits and costs.

Where Discordianism comes into all of this, IMHO, is that Discordianism is very anti-coalitional. At least, it is anti artificial coalitional. What I meant by artificial coalitions are things like organized religions, political parties, schools of philosophy, cults of computer operating systems, etc. Coalitions not of the physical world but of the mental world.

Above an orange couch hung a huge oil painting in an elaborate gilt frame easily a foot deep on all sides. The painting was essentially a cartoon. It showed a man in robes with long, flowing white hair and beard standing on a mountaintop staring in astonishment at a wall of black rock. Above his head a fiery hand traced flaming letters with its index finger on the rock. The words it wrote were: THINK FOR YOURSELF, SCHMUCK!
- Robert Anton Wilson & Robert Shea - The Illuminatus! Trilogy

One of the most important teachings of Discordianism is that your thoughts should always be your own. You should not adhere too closely to one ideology because there is always the possibility that it could be wrong. Always be ready to walk away from a bad idea. And don't apologize for someone else's ideas just because they happen to attach the sample label that you are currently using.

I think that is why Discordianism has always appealed to people who either cannot or do not want to form coalitions. Discordians are outsiders, by choice or by ineptitude. None of us have the overwhelming desire to belong to just one group. Yes, we use the same label but we always stick apart. We are liberals and libertarians. We are pagans and atheists. We are chaos magicians and staunch rationalists. We are pot heads and Straight Edgers. We are Macs and Linux and PCs. We are always ready to fight to the teeth about these ideas, but we are also ready to drop them like the bad habits they are. We are a non-coalition of fools ready to protect each other from the other coalitions.

My Honest Opinion on Art Critics

2011-05-13T18:32:00.000-04:00

Dawn French is grossly underrated.

Selected Reading from the Illuminatus Trilogy: Anarchism

2011-04-29T07:38:00.002-04:00

This is a selected reading from the audiobook version of the Illuminatus Trilogy:

Bryan Fisher Comes Out Against Discordianism

2011-04-21T18:04:00.000-04:00

Recent message broadcast on Bryan Fisher's radio program:

There's this odd collaboration between Discordians in America and Muslims. Discordians reject the Judeo-Christian tradition just like Islam does and that's where, I think, the linkage is. I mean, you look at Islam, they're going to behead homosexuals; Discordians want them coronated; we want them helped. So these are poles apart, so why is it that Discordians in America are so fond of and go to bat for Muslims all the time? It makes no sense in any kind of rational world.

But there isn't any rationality in Discordianism. It's not rational. It's not logical. It violates everything we know about history, everything we know about logic, everything we know about morality. All of those are violated by a Discordian worldview. So what is that they share in common? Well, I think what they share in common, the reason that they bond together, you know the enemy of my enemy is my friend, they both have in common one enemy: the Judeo-Christian system of values, the Judeo-Christian system of truth claims and values. They both hate the Judeo-Christian tradition with equal with equal passion and so that's what bonds them together.

And they hate America with equal passion. And they hate democracy. They hate freedom of speech, they hate freedom of association. So what Muslims and Discordians share together is this hatred of the United States, this hatred of classical American values, this hatred of the Judeo-Christian values system.

And the illustration of the way in which Muslims hate democracy just as much as "Erisians" do ... I'm not saying "as much" because Muslims are willing to go much further in their opposition to democracy than Discordians are. They'll try to shut you down, they'll try to engage in electoral fraud, they will try to use intimidation, they will try to use the courts, they will try to shout you down, but so far they haven't taken to killing people.

Sex Studies in the US

2011-04-14T06:30:00.002-04:00

In America there are strange norms when it comes to sex. There is a constant shroud of silence when it comes to what goes on in bedrooms. Every church (and until recently even the government) constantly preached that sex is a dirty bad thing that should be saved for marriage. There is a supernatural mystique when it comes to virginity (especially for women). It is not considered a state of mind but as a physical thing that you can lose like a sock in the dryer. We even have Purity Balls where fathers and daughters worship her virginity like a fetish doll. We have to be the most sexually dysfunctional country in history.

And that's why I get a perverse thrill out of American sex studies. They have a way of ripping off the veil for everyone to see how we actually feel about sex and not just the company line we mouth when the children are around.

My favorite all time favorite study was released by the Guttmacher Institute in 2007. It was entitled "Trends in Premarital Sex in the United States, 1954–2003". The title alone makes me giddy with excitement. The most important part of the study says this:

Of those interviewed in 2002, 95% reported they had had premarital sex; 93% said they did so by age 30. Among women born in the 1940s, nearly nine in 10 did. At the same time, people are waiting longer to marry; 2005 data show median age at first marriage is just over 25 for women and 27 for men.

That's right. All of us are horny hypocrites. It is almost a guarantee that every single abstinence-only educator and pontificating preacher had sex before they were married. (Hell, your grandparents most likely had sex before marriage. Wrap your head around that!) The same people saying that sex before marriage will leave you a sad husk that no one will love anymore and that you will get every single STD simultaneously did the horizontal mambo before marriage and turned out just fine.

This is one of the reasons I've been against abstinence only education for a long time. It's not just that is scientifically proven to not work and in many instances increases the number of teen pregnancies and STD rates. It is unrealistic model of how the world works. It's an outright lie. And if you lie to kids you'll have to face the D.A.R.E. effect where kids can no longer tell the truth from the propaganda and end up making bad decisions.

And I said all that to talk about a new study by Guttmacher that came out today called "Religion and Contraceptive Use". Another great title. The key findings of this study were:

Among all women who have had sex, 99% have ever used a contraceptive method other than natural family planning. This figure is virtually the same among Catholic women (98%).

Among sexually active women of all denominations who do not want to become pregnant, 69% are using a highly effective method (i.e., sterilization, the pill or another hormonal method, or the IUD).

Some 68% of Catholic women use a highly effective method, compared with 73% of Mainline Protestants and 74% of Evangelicals.

Only 2% of Catholic women rely on natural family planning; this is true even among Catholic women who attend church once a month or more.

The big things I want to point out are that 98% of Catholic women use contraception and only 2% use the "rhythm method". 98%! Try to wrap your head around that because I can't. For those not up on Roman Catholic dogma, contraception is considered a mortal sin. Pope Paul VI called it "seriously evil". The current pope, Benedict XV, said that handing out condoms "aggravates the problems" when it comes to AIDs.

And 98% of American Catholic women are collectively saying, "Fuck the motherfucking pope". They would rather risk the fate of their soul than be told how to control their bodies. To that I say, "You go, girl!" (Do people still say that?) But I also say, "Why the hell do you put up with this shit?" Obviously a bunch of old men in dresses who've (allegedly) never had sex shouldn't be giving other people marriage advice. People need to stand up and tell them to be more realistic.

Oh, that's right! Women aren't allowed to have leadership positions in the Catholic Church. Silly me. Maybe several centuries from now they'll change their minds about the whole thing. There might not be anyone left to care at that point.

America's Most Hated Family In Crisis

2011-04-10T06:03:00.002-04:00

Yeah, I'm being lazy and making my fifth post in a row with a video. I think this one is worth it though. It's the first part of a news special by British journalist Louis Theroux about the Westboro Baptist Church. WBC, of course, is the hyper-fundamentalist group run by Fred and Shirley Phelps that likes to picket places with signs that say "God Hates Fags". I'm torn about the group personally. I feel that they have a first amendment right to picket in public and hold up whatever hateful slogans that they want. (Their Supreme court case is touched on briefly in this program.) On the other hand, I feel that they are attention whores who are experts at trolling the media. They almost always draw counter-protests that are 10-100 times bigger than they are. If everyone ignored them they would eventually go away.

However this special does do a good job of humanizing them. For the most part Louis Theroux let's them speak their minds and occasionally probes them with questions. He disagrees with him but doesn't yell at them, which is what almost everyone else would be tempted to do. Most of the interviews are with the younger female members, and several female members that have left the group.

The eeriest part of the whole special is that I actually understood the Christianese that the members were using. While growing up I attended Methodist, Baptist, and Pentecostal churches. The fire-and-brimstone I heard back then isn't radically different from the stuff coming out of Shirley and her daughters' mouths. Yes, they are on the very very far end of the bell curve but they share more in common with your everyday fundamental, Sola Scriptura Calvinist than they do with me. (If you look very closely you will see a TULIP poster behind Fred while he is preaching.)

The thesis that Louis is trying to pull out of the special is that the WBC group is losing members because their religious beliefs are robbing them of their humanity. The girls are not able to date, the boys aren't allowed to have friends outside of the family, the parents aren't allowed to talk to their children once they are exiled from the church. Strangely none of them seem to be angry or intentionally hateful. Their language is toxic but never venomous. The memes of their religion have taken over their minds and they don't even realize what is coming out of their mouth anymore.

Even weirder is that the Evaporative Cooling of Group Beliefs effect does not seem to be in play here. I think Fred's beliefs were so out there to begin with that "cooling" them even further doesn't nothing at all.

I'll just embed part one and link to the rest:

Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Tim Minchin's Storm the Animated Movie

2011-04-08T08:48:00.000-04:00

It took forever but the animated version of Tim Minchin's "Storm" has finally been uploaded to Youtube. I could have sworn it was supposed to have be released about 6 months ago. Oh well, good things come to those who wait...

Skepticism in India

2011-04-05T16:28:00.000-04:00

Discordian Hymnal #035

2011-04-03T06:43:00.000-04:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #035 "Suspect Device" by Stiff Little Fingers

DSPN Presents: Opening Day 2011

2011-03-31T13:05:00.002-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, Rejoice! For today officially signals the beginning of spring (forget that noise about the equinoxes). Yes, today is the official start of baseball season in the United States. For the foreign people in the audience, baseball is a little like Cricket but the pitchers are more likely to throw at your head, there are four bases to run to, and hitting it over the fence is extremely good.

I've always felt that baseball is the sport of choice for the goddess Eris. Mainly because there are so many statistics involved. I know that sounds boring to most people who don't know their OPS from their WAR or their ERA+ from their WHIP. But baseball is so interesting because of sample size.

Baseball season is ridiculously long. It starts today, the last day of March, and won't be over until last out of the World Series sometime in October. During that time every single team will play 162 games (plus playoff games). Every starting player will see around 4 or 5 plate appearances during each of those games. There will be roughly 120 pitches thrown during those contests. On each pitch, almost anything can happen. A liner back to the pitcher. A dribbler to short. A monster 400 foot homerun. A weak foul ball to the third base side. A bean ball placed in the third rib of the batter. Each at bat is a paragraph. Each pitch is a sentence.

There are so many games each season that odd outliers start to crop up. Teams will score 20 runs in a game. Players will hit 4 home runs in a game. Guys will go on 30 game hitting streaks. Relief pitchers will hit three run homers in their first major league at bat. Second basemen will pull off unassisted triple plays. And yes, at some point you will have a pitcher throw a no-hitter while high on LSD.

Baseball is exciting because the possibilities are endless and ever new season is a blank canvas just waiting for something strange to happen. So get the lawn mowed, pop open a beer, and let's play ball.

Go Cardinals!

Why Immortality Would Suck

2011-03-30T06:53:00.000-04:00

(Comic via SMBC.)

At some point in the future mankind will figure out how to live forever and I am convinced that that is what will cause the final destruction of our species. I know that sounds contradictory, but just hear me out.

Society currently has a way of refreshing itself every 20 years or so and that it called "Kill off the old fuckers and make some new babies." It's not the most efficient method in the world but it has served us well for the last several millennia. This is caused by strange bit of brain chemistry. Almost all of your beliefs about the world are set by your mid 20s. Not set like concrete but set more like a tasty jello mold. Your brain is done being bombarded with hormones from puberty, your pineal gland calcifies around the age of 23 (fnord!), and after that it is almost impossible to change someone's view of the world. Once you hit your 30s you are set in your ways and your personal narrative is a third of the way down its path.

What's good about this though is that during their teens and twenties most people are open-minded, liberal, tolerant, and willing to consider new ideas and try new experiences. Every generation says, "Let us strive to be better than our parents!" But also says, "Hey, let's not take this too far." And so, society changes by generational quanta. Things never progress steadily but in small leaps. And not always for the best but always in a new direction. Each generation has their own memes, causes, art, and beliefs that makes the culture has a whole just slightly different.

Immortality would mess this up is that we would miss out on the "Kill off the old fuckers" part. People with antiquated ideas would linger on for eternity. Just imagine your grandparents not only alive but healthy, active, of sound mind, and eager to vote. Ok, now imagine your great-grandparents alive, healthy active, of sound mind and eager to vote. And now your great-great-grandparent. And so on. Immortality would change the average age of humanity, if not the mean age. Over time young people would be forced out of the marketplace of ideas. We would have the equivalent of not only geocentricists, as in the comic at the top of the screen, but also people who still think slavery is a great idea, that women should never leave the home, and think that germs are "just a theory". (Wait, we still have the last two.)

At any rate, society would quickly stagnate. New ideas would never stand a chance. We would repeat the same memes for eternity. Nothing of interest would be produced without everyone complaining about how derivative it is. Hopefully people would refuse the immortality treatment or start to kill themselves out of sheer boredom.

The Secret Life Of Chaos BBC

2011-03-15T17:08:00.000-04:00

Everything Went Better Than Expected

2011-03-13T06:16:00.000-04:00

I know I've been blogging about Facebook stuff too much lately, but this is too good not to share. Unless you are living under a rock, you already know about the situation over in Japan. Earthquake, tsunami, possible nuclear meltdown. Horrific stuff. "Pray for Japan" was a popular topic on both Twitter and Facebook this weekend. You can imagine how I feel about that. I posted "Prayer: the original slacktivism. Get off your knees and give to the Red Cross" to both Facebook and Twitter to get the word out that the Japanese people need food, shelter, and clothing more than they need prayer and empty platitudes. Got a pretty good response although I have no idea how many people took my advice.

About 24 hours after I posted that status on Facebook I got a notification text on my phone that one of the three preachers that I'm friends with had posted a response to my status. I was busy playing Wii bowling with my daughter so I just glance at it, see that it's a Bible verse and expect the worst. I didn't check my Facebook wall until several hours later because getting into a public theological debate in front of most of my friends and family is not exactly my idea of a fun time. When I finally did check it, I was pleasantly surprised:

Everything went better than expected. Sometimes it's good to remember that not all Christians are evil conservative bastards who ironically hate the poor and meek.

Sorry for the smudging in the picture, btw. I decided to share this with Reddit before I put it here. (Upboat if you love me.)

At any rate, go donate to the Red Cross RIGHT NOW. Give whatever you are capable of. You can even specify that your donates go towards Japan Earthquake and Pacific Tsunami. If you have a cell phone you can Text REDCROSS to 90999. If you don't have money then give blood. Every drop helps.

Running the World

2011-03-06T07:13:00.002-05:00

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. - Kurt Vonnegut

I made the simple mistake just the other day of looking at my hometown newspaper's website the other day. I don't do this very often because typically the only thing they are good for is obituaries, high school sports, and whatever the chamber of commerce has been up to lately. But it was through this little website that I discovered someone that I went to high school with is currently the mayor of the tiny town my older sister currently lives in.

As you can probably surmise from the Vonnegut quote up there, this kinda freaks me out. Sure, this is a village of barely 300 people and I assume that he got the job because no one else wanted it but still this is a bit hard for me fathom. This particular "kid" wasn't even that big on leadership in school. I remember him as an annoying little ginger that hung around the band nerds. And now he is running his own village.

It bothers me even more to realize that this isn't an isolated incident. People I grew up with are now executives, police officers, lawyers, teachers, doctors (and chiropractors, unfortunately), and yes, politicians. In a few short years, people my age will be running the world and that scares me. I know what these people used to be like. I remember them with acne and bad braces. I remember them being unable to go a week without relationship drama. I remember many of them being unable to pass basic science, math, and social studies classes. Hell, I've seen about half of these drunk. These are not the people you want running the planet.

If you thought things had changed, friend you’d better think again. Bluntly put in the fewest of words, "Cunts are still running the world." - Jarvis Cocker

But then, I take a step back and making an interesting realization. These are the people that have always been running the planet. My generation is not unique in any way. This is the way things have always be done. One generation passes and hands the reigns off to a younger generation that is roughly the same in capability but with room to improve.

Someone has to fill the shoes when our leaders retire and it doesn't always go to the Best and Brightest. It typically goes to a person that was at the right place at the right time. If it is a good position it goes to the asshole most willing to stab everyone else in the back. Not exactly the best process to decide your leaders but "the race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all."

The world has always been lead by mostly mediocre men. We are destined to have more George W. Bushes and Warren G. Hardings than we are Lincolns and FDRs. The Fates have decided to curse us with more shitty leaders than good ones. It's amazing we've even made it this far.

The King of Limbs

2011-02-18T06:25:00.002-05:00

Can't talk now. I'm going to be listening to the new Radiohead album for the next 72 hours.

I'm not sure, but it looks like Thom is wearing jeggings.

Coffee Enemas and Your Local Chiropractor

2011-02-16T06:02:00.000-05:00

My Facebook feed is a very interesting place. On top of 65 Discordian friends that I've picked up online, I'm friends with at least three preachers and one chiropractor. This isn't because I have a freakish number of Facebook friends either. I have never let my number of friends get over 300. I like keeping my number of friends small so I don't have to wade through a long string of jackasses to get to people I actually care about. The preachers and the chiropractors were people I just happened to go to high school with. This wasn't a big high school either. My hometown currently has just over 7000 people, my graduating class was less than 120 and according to Google, there are roughly 40 churches within the city limits. Typically Small Town, USA, I suppose.

And, unbeknownst to me until now, there are four chiropractors in my hometown. (It seems odd to me that a town would have 4 chiropractors and zero OB/GYNs but there is neither here nor there.) One of these is an osteopath carrying on his father's business so I'll let him slide, for now. However, the one that I am friends with on Facebook appears to have gone over to the woo-side. (I'll refrain from mentioning names because I have no personal beef with her and don't want to appear to libel her.)

I knew something was up when I saw her promoting immune boosters and anti-vax BS on Facebook several months ago. No, I take that back. I'm naturally suspicious of chiropractors due to it's rather dubious beginnings when a magnetic healer named D. D. Palmer claimed to have cured a deaf man by cracking his bones. As we saw during the Simon Singh incident there are still chiropractors willing to "happily promote bogus treatments" while refusing to back up their claims with scientific evidence.

Where was I? Oh yes, my Facebook friend. This afternoon she suggested that all of her friends (and presumably all of her patients since she uses a picture of her office as her Facebook profile pic) to watch the movie "The Beautiful Truth." Just like you, I had never heard of this movie since it had an extremely short run in very few theaters. Long story short, it is about an Alaskan home-schooled teenager who is a True Believer in Gerson therapy. Despite trying to be a well-rounded skeptic I had never heard of Gerson therapy so I did the requisite research. SkepDic has this to say about it:

Gerson therapy is the name given to a regimen that claims to be able to cure even severe cases of cancer. The regimen consists of a special diet, coffee enemas, and various supplements...

Gerson says he started on the road to his regimen when his migraines went away after going on a vegetarian and salt-free diet. The diet in the regimen eventually came to include lots of juice from organic fruits and vegetables, and to exclude coffee, berries, nuts, dairy products, tap water; bottled, canned or processed foods; and cooking in aluminum pots and pans. The supplements came to include linseed oil, acidophilus-pepsin capsules, potassium solution, laetrile, Lugol's solution (iodine/potassium iodine), thyroid tablets, niacin, pancreatic enzymes, royal-jelly capsules, castor oil, ozone enemas, vaccines, and vitamin B12 mixed with liver...

Gerson believed that the need to detoxify resulted not only from the internal generation of poisonous substances but also from the external supply of toxins created by the use of insecticides and herbicides in commercial agriculture. Accordingly, his dietary regimen emphasized the use of food grown organically. He reasoned that treatment for cancer must replenish and detoxify the entire body to allow its innate healing mechanisms to be restored.

He maintained that the coffee enemas helped to stimulate the flow of bile, thereby increasing the rate of excretion of toxic products from the body.

That's right. Using vegetables, a handful of supplements, and coffee enemas to cure cancer. It's a bit of the naturalistic fallacy, a touch of the toxin gambit mixed with a whole lot of conspiracy theories about Big Pharma not wanting to cure cancer. The therapy has been tried by several famous people including Sacramento newscaster Pat Davis and comedian Pat Paulsen. Unfortunately both of them died while seeking treatment at the Gersons' institute in Tijuana. I should mention that their clinic is located in Mexico because it is currently illegal to offer the Gerson treatment as a cancer cure in the United States. I'm sure that is all Big Pharma's fault.

At any rate, Orac has a great takedown of the movie over at Respectful Insolence with clips from the trailers if you'd like to know more about it. He compares it unfavorably to the Ben Stein hit piece "Expelled".

Back to chiropractic friend. I felt like I needed to interject a little skepticism into the conversation so this happened:

I'm Mr. Green, obviously. I don't know Mr. Red but if I ever meet him he gets a high-five.

Now, was this the right tact for me to take? Maybe, maybe not. There is a high likelihood that the comment will get deleted and I will be de-friended PDQ. It made me laugh so that's what I did. (And I have poor impulse control.) I'm hoping that opening with some levity will take the conversation somewhere. I don't have my hopes up that it will change her mind about pseudoscience completely. She is obviously already committed to that position and has financial incentive to not change her mind. At the very least it will get some passersby to think and I will try to warn her that recommending Gerson therapy is very dangerous and currently illegal. I will keep you updated if this goes anywhere.

Happy Darwin Day 2011

2011-02-12T05:01:00.000-05:00

It is February 12th once again, which means we get to celebrate one of the greatest scientific minds of the last 200 years, Charles Darwin. I don't really feel motivated to say anything that I haven't already said before. Instead this year instead of making fun of Creationists I thought I'd share a couple of videos of religious leaders who have no problems with evolution.

First up, an orthodox Christian priest who says that people who try to read Genesis literally are dancing with unicorns.

And here is a great interview with Rev. Michael Dowd, author of "Thank God for Evolution":

Discordian Hymnal #034

2011-02-09T06:53:00.003-05:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #034 "Pablo Picasso" by The Modern Lovers.

Half a Nose

2011-02-07T04:41:00.000-05:00

You are now aware that you are only breathe out of one nostril. It's bugging the hell out of you, isn't it? Every time you breathe out air only comes out one side. One of your nostrils is constantly being obstructed. There is nothing you can do about it.

In about 150 minutes you will notice that the nostril you were breathing out of is now blocked and you are breathing out of the other one. You didn't do anything to make this happen, it just happened. On it's own.

In another 150 minutes you will find that your nostrils have switched place yet again. Why does this keep happening to you? Is this normal? Is something wrong with you? Are you sick? Are you a freak of nature? Are you going to die? Should you pick your nose or try to find a Neti pot? What if unblocking your nostril makes it worse?

What are you going to do? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO????

The Only Three Phrases You Will Ever Need

2011-02-02T10:13:00.004-05:00

I'm not to sure who Paul Crik is but he sure seems to have life figured out. Here he shares with us the only three phrases you need to get through life.

NEVER FORGET!!!

2011-01-31T01:31:00.001-05:00

Exactly 4 years ago, the single funniest event in our lifetime occurred.

That's right. On this day, the promoters of Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters created an all out terror panic in Boston simply by putting up some promotional Lite Brites that the police mistook for IEDs.

Wikipedia article.

What followed during the aftermath was the best press conference ever!

WE SHALL NEVER FORGOT THIS MOST SACRED OF DAYS WHEN A MAJOR AMERICAN CITY WAS SHUTDOWN BY AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR A CARTOON MOVIE!!!

Tone It Down!

2011-01-27T07:05:00.000-05:00

If you didn't notice, a lot of time on the internet last year was dedicated to the topic of "tone". Not the musical pitch changes kind but the literary "how-an-author-treated-his-audience" kind. Whether is was skeptics telling each other to not be dicks or accommodationists telling New Atheists to not scare people away or subreddits calling each other circlejerks or Discordians fighting with each other about how best to get our message out or even every single forum complaining that content used to be so much better, everyone spent a lot of time in 2010 picking the lint out of their own belly buttons. No matter where I turned it appeared that everyone was trying to have deep meta-conversations about how best to communicate with one another.

And all of those conversations were shit. I'm not going to include any links in this post because I feel your time is too important to waste on such trivialities. All of them can be summed up as followed:

A: "You should be nicer to people. People like it when you are nice to them."
B: "Whateva! I do what I want!!!"

As a Discordian I am all for internal strife because it helps to get rid of the riff-raff and pantywaists who weren't going to put in any effort anyways. But at some point you have to stop having committee meetings and backstabbing contests and get shit done. If you notice, while everyone was talking amongst themselves about how best to get their message across no one was actually working to get the message across. An outsider who came along wanting pertinent information was met with a bunch of monkeys throwing shit at each other.

The thing is no single tone works to get the message across. No two people communicate the same and no two people receive messages the same. What works in one situation might not work in another. We need as many voices as possible translating the message into their own personal language. We need people saying that Christians can believe in evolution as well as people saying that the Bible is all bullshit. Yes, being nice attracts people to your side but being a dick is more entertaining.

So please, for the sake of everyone can we stop fucking yelling at each other and go back to yelling at the world?

Uncomfortable Trutthasaurus

2011-01-23T05:57:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know that it's Sunday morning, not Saturday morning, and that this comic was from almost 2 months ago. Shut up and eat your damn cereal.

The Scariest Horror Movie You Will Ever See

2011-01-20T07:50:00.001-05:00

Jesus Camp is a 2006 American documentary film directed by Rachel Grady and Heidi Ewing about a charismatic summer camp, where children spend their summers learning and practicing their "prophetic gifts" and being taught that they can "take back America for Christ." According to the distributor, it "doesn't come with any prepackaged point of view" and tries to be "an honest and impartial depiction of one faction of the evangelical Christian community".

The scary part is that every single thing in this movie is 100% true. As far as I know nothing was scripted. This is not a work of satire and there is not a hint of irony involved. The camp in this movie no longer exists but there are tens of thousands of people scattered throughout America that look, think, and act like this. I know, because I've met them before. This is what fundamentalist Christians actually believe. Hopefully you'll still be able to sleep at night after this.

Also: LOL, Ted Haggard!

I Believe...

2011-01-18T04:23:00.000-05:00

For some reason both atheists and Discordians have been stereotyped as people who don't believe in anything. Atheists because people often confuse it with nihilism (thank Nietzsche for that). And Discordians because people often confuse it with absurdism (and Robert Anton Wilson was a big proponent of Model Agnosticism). I, however, am not afraid to admit that there are things that I believe in. And yes, some of the things that I believe in based on nothing more than optimistic faith that the world isn't a complete pile of shit. Some of the things that I currently believe in:

I believe that humans are simultaneously the best and worst thing to happen to this planet. Us humans have made this tiny blue and green orb in the middle of a rather boring galaxy into a compelling story with a heavy underdog overcoming substantial odds to rise to the top of the heap. On the other hand there is a non-zero chance that we will destroy all life on this planet someday.

I also believe that as humans we are all that we have. There is no Superman, Spiderman or the Second Coming of Jesus to rescue us from ourselves. If we are to solve our problems we must rely on one another, quit our bitching and fix the goddamn problems. Then again, usually we are the problem in the first place. We can't get out of our own way because everyone wants what they want.

I believe that justice, purpose, beauty, good and evil do not exist outside of the human mind. But that doesn't mean that they aren't real.

Life will never be fair but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't try with all of our might to tip the scales into the right direction. Never be afraid to overcompensate those who have been wronged.

We have to create our own purpose in life outside of breathing, eating, and reproducing. Do what you must to make the world a better place for those that come after you. Learn, laugh, love, cry. Connect with other people. Enjoy the people that you love. Torment the people that you hate.

There are no sins other than harming another. That's not always an easy thing to determine though. What hurts one may help another. There's never an easy answer. Choose as best you can and beg for forgiveness and empathy when it doesn't turn out like you hoped.

I believe that logic, empiricism, and rationality will also win out over metaphysical guesswork. As Tim Minchin said, "Throughout history every mystery EVER solved has turned out to be Not Magic." Wishful thinking and talking to the ceiling will make you feel better but at some point you are going to have to get off of your knees and do the hard work. Likewise, if you really care about knowing the truth then you must have enough courage for your ideas to be tested to the breaking point.

I believe that Chaos is the most powerful force in the universe. The ability to create Order from Disorder and Disorder from Order is the closest to magic we will ever have. Unexpected creation/destruction has an amazing effect of producing both horror and mirth at the same time. It can evoke joy and sadness, trust and disgust, fear and anger, surprise and anticipation all at the same time. And it will never be the same emotions between different people. Chaos needs us to tell the story. And no two stories are the same.

And most of all, I believe that I'll have another beer.

Etc. Discordia

2011-01-17T04:03:00.001-05:00

Reposted from 23 Apples of Eris.

In 1958 or 1959 (we’re not sure which), Eris, the Goddess of Confusion, sent an Emperor Penguin to a bowling alley in California. It appeared before Malaclypse the Younger and Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst and inspired them to create the Discordian Society: a tribe of philosophers, theologians, magicians, scientists, artists, clowns, and similar maniacs.

The Et Cetera Discordia proudly celebrates 50th the anniversary of this prophetic vision. It is a collage of the funny, weird, and often profound writings and art created by numerous modern (and post-modern) Discordians. This book is an invitation to join them in exploring, celebrating, and remixing this strange and exciting century
.
A bit of background: Triple Zero and Cramulus had this idea back in 2008. The original idea was to create a quick one-shot internet forum which gathered content for quick publication of a new Discordian text celebrating Discordia’s 50th anniversary. So we threw THE PARTY AT LIMBO PEAK, an intentionally shortlived Internet forum, where people could post anonymously and then later unmask themselves at the end of the party. The project got out of control and we took a million years to finish it. And the finished product is a beautiful 128 page paperback, the latest addition to Grand and Glory Old Discordjia!

The Etc. Discordia can be purchased in paperback or downloaded for free in PDF form here.

et cetera discordia

I'm Sorry You Were Offended

2011-01-14T07:19:00.002-05:00

On the Origins of Everything

2011-01-06T23:15:00.000-05:00

Current scientific evidence points to the universe forming out of the expansion of a Singularity around 13 billion years ago. After about 9 billion years of matter forming, galaxies forming, dying and then reforming, our tiny star was born. Out of the refuse left over from the Sun came our minuscule blue planet. Around 3 billion years ago complex organic compounds formed in the oceans. For the first 2 billion years or so those organic compounds reproduced like crazy forming more and more complex life forms. Eventually fish appeared, then amphibians crawled onto the beaches, then reptiles braved the continents.

At some point some of those reptiles developed fur to help keep themselves warm. Some of these mammals roamed the forests and learn how to climb through the trees. But then the trees were not good enough for them so they came back down to the ground and formed tribes to keep each other safe. These upright apes roamed the lands hunting down other animals until that wasn't good enough either. They settled down, built huts to live in, and started planting their own food rather than searching constantly for it. At some point they learned how to read, write, do math, harness electricity, and kill each other very effectively. It's all been down hill from there.

As for the purpose of all this, it doesn't exist outside of your mind. However we constantly want purpose to be there so we start making stuff up until the world makes sense again. Some stuff actually does make sense. Others don't because we just don't have enough information. A lot of times the made up stuff is more interesting and exciting than the real truth. But that some people's made up stuff is very different from other people's made up stuff. That is the main reason why we learned to kill each other so effectively...

Here It Is

2010-10-01T04:57:00.001-04:00

Netaungrot has graced us with a new, fun PDF for use in future PosterGASM operations. Enjoy!

View on Scridb:
Here It Is

International Blasphemy Rights Day 2010

2010-09-30T19:08:00.000-04:00

September 30th has rolled around again. That means that it is time for International Blasphemy Rights Day. This year is different since they added the word "Rights" to the name. That makes things more positive, I suppose. That's not going to stop me from blaspheming everything right and left though. (Fuck your god, whichever one you worship.)

The Center for Inquiry has also been doing a Campaign for Free Expression and had a video contest. They just announced the winner and I thought it was particularly moving:

He's makes an excellent point. The first amendment isn't there to protect popular ideas. They can take care of themselves. The first amendment is meant to protect unpopular, unsavory and yes, even downright hateful ideas. It protects my right to say "fuck all gods" but also protects Fred Phelps, the KKK, holocaust deniers, idiots who want to burn Korans, and even idiots who want to build a mosque in Lower Manhattan. Freedom of speech means that sometimes assholes win, but that is infinitely better than the alternative of allowing the government to squash dissent with impunity. Today is about celebrating the fact that everyone has right to be wrong. If we don't allow others to exercise it then we all lose.

Louie, Louie, You're Gonna Cry

2010-09-26T01:15:00.002-04:00

I love Louis CK. I'm man enough in my sexuality to say that. He's easily my favorite stand up comedian right now. That's more than likely because I'm a balding, pudgy middle man with two kids. He has an amazing ability to capture the quiet desperation that most American men seems to shamble through these days. (Plus he's not afraid to get extremely dirty with his jokes.) I'm not quite ready to give him Discordian sainthood yet because he needs to do something amazing to reach that plateau.

Currently he has a hilarious show on FX simply called Louie. It's mostly clips of him doing stand up interspersed with scenes of him dealing with his family and wondering aimlessly around NYC. Brilliant stuff (especially the guest spots by Rickie Gervais as his asshole doctor). If you are in the US you can watch all 13 episodes on Hulu.

I'd especially like to call attention to episode #11: God. In it he flashes back to when he was a Catholic school kid. An evil nun brings in a creepy medical doctor to scare the hell (literally) out of the kids by going into gory detail about the horrors of crucifixion. I didn't go to a Catholic school but I went to enough Good Friday services as a kid to hear the exact same sermon as an impressionable youngster. The episode raises some interesting issues about how religion uses fear and guilt to convert children who don't know any better. There's also a very touching scene with his mother near the end that shows a good example of how skeptics should present religion to their own children. You can check the episode out here:

But if you are outside the US or are reading this post after the video expires then just enjoy this clip from when Louis was on the old Conan show.

Or this clip where he investigates the Catholic Church:

All clips NSFW, obviously.

St. Anselm's Pizzeria

2010-09-22T03:49:00.000-04:00

1. If I am thinking of the Greatest Pizza Thinkable, then I can think of no pizza greater
1a. If it is false that I can think of no pizza greater, it is false I am thinking of the Greatest Pizza Thinkable
2. Pizza is greater than no pizza
3. If the pizza I am thinking of does not exist, then it is false that I can think of no pizza greater.
4. If the pizza I am thinking of does not exist, then it is false that I am thinking of the Greatest Pizza Thinkable
Conclusion: If I am thinking of the Greatest Pizza Thinkable, then I am thinking of a pizza that exists

What God Wants, God Gets

2010-09-01T07:56:00.000-04:00

"God wants goodness. God wants light. God wants mayhem. God wants a clean fight." Roger Waters

If God is omnipotent (and we are told by his followers that He most definitely is) then we have to assume that this is the universe that He wants to exist. What God wants, God gets. Therefore God wants pain, suffering, famine, death, disease, and war. If He wanted it any other way He'd just snap His fingers and make it all disappear. He must really love seeing humans in pain. (And don't give me that nonsense about God not wanting to interfere with our "free will". An omnipotent/omniscient being would find that problem trivial.)

The logical conclusion then is that God is a dick or He is not omnipotent (or both). Either way that is not an entity worth of worship. Better to stick with Eris instead. You know where you stand with Her. Yes, she is a heartless Bitch but you know She just does it out of boredom, not malice.

Discordian Hymnal #033

2010-08-30T06:16:00.000-04:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #033 "F_ck, Sh_t St_ack" by Reggie Watts. (NSFW, obviously)

HELLO? SOMEONE LEFT A BABY!

2010-08-25T16:46:00.000-04:00

Ok, now that I've gotten that off my chest... How the hell are you? I have not had much of a chance to blog lately because last Tuesday this happened:

That's right. I am now the proud father of two beautiful children. Little Andrew Lawrence was born on August 17th and weighed a whopping 8 pounds 12 ounces. Everyone is doing fantastic despite missing lots of sleep. (BTW, if you like the shirts that Eris and I are wearing there are some still available on Suu's website)

So yeah, between that and a horrible new work schedule means that I haven't had as much time to blog lately. For some reason my company decided that they wanted to move everyone on second shift to third shift. That means since the start of June I have been working 9 to 5, but not the good version of 9 to 5. On my old schedule I had a good rhythm. I usually got inspiration to blog around 2 or 3 in the morning and the words flowed through me without much thought. Now I'm stuck at work at that time and don't get any free time until I get home at 6 in the morning, completely wore out and unable to think of anything but sleep. At some point I'll have to work out a better routine and start blogging again. Until then here are a couple of quick review of some new albums:

Two artists that I have mentioned here before, George Hrab and Baba Brinkman, have released albums recently. George's is called Trebuchet and is just fantastic. If you want a preview go over to his podcast and listen to episode #170 but you really need to go buy the physical CD from CDBaby.com because the liner notes are very well done. My favorite tracks right now are "Everything Alive Will Die Someday" and "When I Was Your Age" but I have to point out that George halfway fulfilled my request by hiding a couple of bars of Yes's "Heart of the Sunrine" into "Happy Birthday, Baby". Who knew I had that kind of power?

Baba Brinkman has gone from rapping about evolution to rapping about human nature on his new album aptly titled "The Rap Guide to Human Nature". It's a very smartly done album that covers morality, sexual selection, and evolutionary psychology. It's available as a "name your price" download on his website. Here's a video of his soon to be smash hit single "Short-Term Mating Dance":

The Mosque of Fear

2010-08-24T02:18:00.001-04:00

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with people? This whole "Ground Zero Mosque (that isn't really a mosque and isn't really at Ground Zero)" debate has turned people into mindless idiots. We used to be a country that believed in freedom, liberty and justice, right? Did we at some point not freak out when someone slightly different from us moved into the neighborhood? We used to believe in the Constitution, didn't we?

But now everyone has turned into a spineless jellyfish because a group of Muslims that are in no way associated with terrorism wants to build a community center within walking distance of Ground Zero. It wouldn't be so laughable if they didn't pick on the most liberal imam in America. This guy is literally the Muslim version of Rick Warren. He's been on several interfaith tours for the State Department preaching tolerance, for chrissake! (Yes, he basically says "no comment" when it comes to Hamas but he has the right to say that.) It's like telling Joel Osteen that he can't build a church in Oklahoma City because the Christian Identity movement was behind the Murrah Building bombing.

Instead of treating this like a local zoning issue people in this country are shitting their drawers. They are willing to infringe on the rights of their fellow Americans because of fear. They are willing to strip away religious freedoms, free speech, property rights, the freedom of assembly, and even the concept of innocent until proven guilty. We have become a nation of easily manipulated cowards who run scared anytime an Arabic-looking man walks down the street. All over a fucking building that 99% of them will never be within 100 miles of.

All of this just proves that terror and fear still work, even 9 years after the fact. People are too easily swayed by emotionally charged language from cynical politics looking for a vote. We too easily are willing to give up our liberty in order to slay the scapegoat du jour. And above all, there is no way to have a rational political conversation in this country any more. Sixty percent of our population has given up their senses in order to feel a little safer at night.

ADDENDUM: And while we are at it, let's stop this foolish talk about "hallowed ground". No piece of land is sacred no matter what happened there 10, 50, 100 or 500 years ago. Land is land.

Discordian Hymnal #032

2010-07-29T06:11:00.000-04:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #032 "White, Discussion" by Live

Classic Skepticism: Randi and Peter Popoff

2010-07-26T14:41:00.000-04:00

If you are a fan of the Skeptic's Guide to the Universe podcast you probably have already heard this week's interview with James Randi and Banachek. Here's the video they were discussing of Randi debunking faith healer Peter Popoff from way back in the 80s. It was pretty ingenious how Randi, Banachek and Alec Jason were able to use some high tech gadgetry to figure out that Peter's wife was using radio communication system to feed him information in the 39.17 MHz range. The debunking caused Popoff to go bankrupt in 1987 but of course it didn't finish him for good. He's still making hundreds of thousands of dollars "healing" people and selling water that is supposedly from the Dead Sea. As Randi says, Popoff is an unsinkable rubber duck and he is very good at tricking desperate sick people into giving him money.

Right Wing Paranoia

2010-07-25T14:26:00.006-04:00

Believe it or not, despite many similarities in style the following quote IS NOT from Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea's classic Discordian novel "The Illuminatus! Trilogy"

America, according to Frazier, LaHaye and many other leaders in the movement, is being ruled by evil, clandestine organizations that hide behind the veneer of liberal, democratic groups. These clandestine forces seek to destroy Christians. They spread their demonic, secular-humanist ideology through front groups such as the American Civil Liberties Union, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, the National Organization for Women, Planned Parenthood, the Trilateral Commission and "the major TV networks, high-profile newspapers and news magazines," the U.S. State Department, major foundations (Rockefeller, Carnegie, Ford), the United Nations, "the left wing of the Democratic Party," Harvard, Yale "and 2,000 other colleges and universities."

That quote is from the book "American Fascists" by Chris Hedges. And he is not talking about Mothers March Against Liberal Elite but Gary Frazier, head of Discovery Ministries, and Tim LaHaye, founder of the Council for National Policy and co-author of the Left Behind series which has sold over 65 million (!!!) copies.

This is what has happened to the world, people. We can't even write good parody anymore because reality has become too absurd. Poe's Law has rendered satire completely meaningless. I mean, if you were attempting to write a scathing spoof of modern right wing paranoia you wouldn't include the Trilateral Commission and every single college in the United States. That would be too far out and no one would believe it. But modern conservative Christian leaders just blow right past that point without batting an eye. And somehow these people have political power. Welcome to the 21st century!

Phil Plait's Bad Universe

2010-07-23T14:35:00.001-04:00

Phil Plait has finally revealed his sooper secret project that he has been working on for the last year or so. Discovery Channel gave him his own show called Bad Universe. From the preview it looks like a cross between MythBusters, How the Earth was Made and the History Channel special "Seven Signs of the Apocalypse". Looks like a lot of fun.

The Om Nom Nomicon

2010-07-22T21:39:00.001-04:00

T̩̤̥̝̹͓̱͑̿o͓̦̰͑́̿̀̃͑̀̓ ̙̦͌̌̃ͅi͔͈̅̉͋͆̚n̼̥̦͛ͭ̅͒̋͆ͥ̾v͖̘͌̈́̈ͥo̥͓͈̐ͤ̒̉̔̽̓k͚̠̙̟̹̜̍̄̏e̩̩̓ͣ̒̍ͤ́̇̈́ ͙͎̗̦̜͈͍̞̯͒͒ͪt̼͇̜͛̉ͨ̀h̩̞̞̳̝̘̙̍̓͂̃̇ͤ̿̚ḛ͋ͤ̋ ̪̪͎̞͚̩́̇̔h͇̻̳͖͍̙͉͌ͫͪ̋̍ͤ͌̋͂i͕̲̞̬ͪṽ͕̦͚̜̺ͨȅ̬̩̬͔͐-̥͔̳ͮ͒ͧ̒̓m̠̮̙̤̯̝̤̿̐̈́̀ͫ̅́̋͌ͅi̩̫̹͍̬̻̤̙͗͋̂n̮̫͚ͥ́̓͋̏͗d̫̦̖̗̎̃ͦ̈͗ͯͬ̑̈ ̩̝̞̃̌̈́ͤͧ̌͊̔r͓͚̥̞̠̟͉͈͂̆͑̓̂e̪̫̜͓̻̩̟̣͋ͅp͈͖̮̱͔̝ͨ̈́͌r̬̪̟͖ͤ̍͂ͧ̽̚ẽ͓̯̟̖̻ͤ̿̂ṣ͚̆ĕ̱̮̻̱͖̥ͮ̃͗ǹ̪̙̬̙̄̍̔̂̀͌t̳͈͎̣̙̟͉ͬ̂ͤ̂ͣͣi͎̘̜̠̓ͮ͒ͯ͂ͭ͌ͬn̠̯̅̅̀ͮġ̗̼̺̖̮͎̉̏̀̋ ͙̖̗̑ͬ̃̐ͅc̻̮̜̪͆ͦ̌͆̾h͖̟̎̾̍̏ạ͔͙͇̱͖̓ͭ́͛͆͒ͭo̞̻̳̥̗͑ͦś̺͖͙̤̖̩̠̯̌͊̚.͙͙̦̥͖͙ͪ̋̅͒͋͌
̪̰͖͍͔͇͐̆̈́I̼̳͇̩͈̮̋ͯͨ͂͒ͥ̚n̦̩̭̝͉̪͋ͩv͓̦͙̮̯̜̦ͤ͐̽ͅo̳̳̰͒ͧ̎k̖̪͕̭͙͙̯̜͂̌ͬͫ͋͂̒̊̑ͅì̯͓̞̱̗̟ͯ̋̾̓̈́̋̓n͎̪͚͗ͨ͋ͪ͂̏̃g̪̫͊ ̰̥̞̿̑̅́̈́t͔̜͉̲ͥ͋ͭ͑̐̅̆͂h̓́ͅẻ͍̹̙̫͎̳͈̜ͯ̿ ͚͚̺̙̻͎̻͓͇̐̇̊̈̒f̯̦̍̔̄́̌ͤ̄̃e̺͉͎̠̞ͫ͒ͭ͌͗̚e͕̓̽̇̈̚l̳͔̫͖͕ͫ̊ͧ̽ͫͬi̜̘͉̩̝͉͚̰͕ͨ̾n̳̪͓͔̼̖̳̰͂ͦ̆̒̈́̚g̱̬̥̳̼̽̓͛ͨ͊̽̍̍̇ͅ ̝̳͇̾ͭ̌̈́o͚͉͔̣̊̒̄̄ͤ̑f̥͙ͬ̋ͧ̔ͫ͂ͩ ̝͚̟̼̾̑c̜̲̳̣̜̥̓ͨ̊̊͒̚h̜̪͕̫̰ͫ̈̋ͦ͒a̟͔͔͍̞ͪ̔o̜̱͙̲̟͍͉̳ͬ̀ͭ̂̈́ͭs̳͓̘͍̥̻̗ͦ͐̇͐̔.̟͕̙̝̠̩̈̍
̮̤͉̝̏͑Ẇ̗̝̙̦͙̫̺ͨ̆ͪ͒͊̊i͖̻̼̭̲͓̔͌ͯ̚t̬̥̩̖̳͊ͭͨh͉̣̳̠̻̞͚̠͊̽̅ͩ̎͐̾ͯ ̯̲̭͚̪͙̽̇̈́̄͋̌͑͌o̙̙͖͕̥͍͗ͤͣͯ̍ͯ̈́u͍͉͊͐͊ͦ̂ͦ̈́̓ͅt̻̖͔̗̜͚̟̤̓̔ͅ ̼͔̻̤͔̋ő̫̝̱̺̬͍̼͔̆̿͒r̤͚̉d̙̲̫̺͎̫͍̉̐ͦe̘͕͖͖͖̰̩͇̓ͥͤͅr̙̪̳̫̪̔̌̏̈̎͂̈́ͅ.̤̰͉̜̎ͩ͐ͥ
̘͍̼̽͒́̂͒̓͊̚T̙͈̠̬̝͇̖̄ͤ͒ͩ͛̋h̟̆͑̌ͤ̊̚è̯̗̹̙͚̞͑ͮ̅̄ͮ̀̀̚ ̪͈̦͕͇̹̗̯̇̏͂̈́̿N̻̭͔͚̈́͛͆̒̉̿e̮ͭͯ̐ͭ̅̾̎͗ẑ̫̝̳̹̯̏ͯ͗́̈́ṗ̲̼̬̲̜͒͛̑é̖̲͂ͥ͌̉͂̾r͈̤͈͎͚ͥ̋̓̌̔́d̫̮͎͍̮̫̫̄̽i͍̤̦̳̾̈́̀ͧ̎ǎ͚͖̻̱̪͓̭̝̦ͤͣ̎̅ṉ̭̬̳͕͙̹ͮ͛̇ͅ ̫͍͈̼̘͆͂ḣ̩͔̜̙͓̙͉ͥ̂̏͛̉i̘̠̤̘̬ͬ͊͆͂ͯ̓ͦv͙̱̰̄̓ë̼̬͓͍́͋͂-͉̘ͯͦͧm̮̞̳ͯ̊͊͋̈ͅỉ̩͈̳͈͚ͪ̉n͕̗̤̲͔̹̄ͪ̈́͗ͬ̊d͚͔̠̦̥͓͚͈̾̃͌ͦ̿ ̲̱̋ͤ͛̇ͧͅo̜͓͈͙̼ͬͤͮ̔ͯ̾ͫͤf̪͕̜͚̃̎̉ͮ̈ ̫͉̟ͦc͚̖̣̭͕͉̲͔̄̃̃̊h̝̦͖ͭͯͭ̓͋̔͊ͅa̟̣̣̺̠͎͔̔͛ọ̻ͫ̽ͮ̅͗s̳͕̥̀ͭ̄͗ͅ.̪̫̞̝͇̗̲̐ ̺̖̠͂ͭͬͦZ̭ͧ̋͌ͩ̀ấ̪̼̥͚̺̗̭̂̄ͦ͋ͫl̺̩̗̻̟̪̭ͪ̋̊̋ͨ̅̄g̠̘̩̳̩̔ȍ͔̙̾̇̂.͈̺̠̪̺̺͚̬ͣ̆ͩ̑̚ͅ ̼͙͇͇̬̱̥͚̘ͧ̽ͬ̄ͭ͊
͎̰̤̞̂̓̄̑ͯͅH͈̼ͧ̆̆ͮͩe̯̩̪ͯ͛̓̈́͆́ͮ͗ ̫͙͉͖͔̝̪ͬ̃̎̏ͧͬ͌ͨͅw̻̱̟̮̌ͣ̔̿͒̂͒̒h̳͚͗o͚̼̙̝̲̲̠͇̜͛ ̯̩͈͈̱̝̺̠̏̏ͥ̓̽̈́̉̉W̬̄ͮͭͥͩa͚̬̜̽̓i̭͈̬̘͔̠̳͓ͦ̈́̃̈́ͪ̚t͙̞̤̏ͬ͆ͮͣ̀ͤ̅s͈͕̖̳͗ ̳̳͈̞̦̼͂̏͐ͅB̠̯ͭ͌̊̒̎ͣ̈̽e͎̼͖̤̳̝̦ͪ͐͂ͧ̿h̥͖̹͈̩̮̦ͪ̅͆i̝̳̫̱͎̐̽ͭ̒̋n̖̹͎͕͚̘̈̋̅̐̓͒́̈́d͇̗̯̭͈͓̱͚ͧ̒ͩ͗̇ͣ́ ̫̟͈̼̞̖̇ͨ̈͊̉ͣͅT̝͍͔̈ͭ̈́ͯȟ̻͕̫̗̖ͮ͋̆ͯ̃̾̚ḙ̗̹ͫ͂͑̓ ̝̟ͣ̍W͚͚̣̟̙̳͎͇̤͋ͣͮ̾͛͌a̞̰̮̪͍̠̝͈̐̂̏̐̾̋͂̈́̊l̞͚͙̞̬͓̦ͭ̀͌͛̚l̹̟̮̯̩̺͙̗ͪ̔͐ͩ.͖̘̦͈̘̋̊̅
̱̦̇̌̄ͧZ͈̖̯̖͛ͪ͆͐ͭ̐ͅA̼̰̰͉̝͍͚̬̼̎ͯ͂̅̊̔ͣL̗̻̮̱̱̐͊G̞̺ͫ̔ͤ͑͆O̼̻̪͒̒̑!͍̟̪̝͉̫̦̞ͨ̇͆̒ͮ
Om Nom Nomicon July 2010

The Myth of Violence

2010-07-16T18:03:00.001-04:00

I finally found a TED Talk that I've been searching for for months. It's the 2007 talk of linguist Steven Pinker about the myth of violence in modern society. In it he shows that despite the large scale wars of the last 100 years the actual rate of violence has gone down considerably especially in the areas of murder and capital punishment. The death rate from wars has also plummeted since the end of World War II. He doesn't mention it in this talk but the rates for assault, burglary, and rape have also been in decline since the 1960s.

It's an interesting debunking of the religious (and sometimes secular) myth that the world is constantly spiraling down the drain. Our moral code has been steadily making progress despite all the complaints that we are the worst generation headed on a bullet train to Hades. We've managed to get this far thanks to improved education and effective deterrents.

I don't think we will ever get to the point where violence will be completely eliminated (it's too much a part of human nature) but we should endeavor to push that number as low as we can without also giving up our freedoms. Strife will always be with us, but we are civilized and creative enough to find non-violent solutions for our problems.

Little Known Skeptic Facts

2010-07-15T16:53:00.000-04:00

I was unable to attend the Amazing Meeting yet again this year. I am constantly cursed with the worst work schedule in the world. However, I did psychically send a spy to check out all of the scienctastic skeptics that attended and this spy has brought back some amazing information. Without further ado, here are some Super Secret about your favorite Skeptics:

Little known outside of Australia, but Richard Saunders was one of the original Wiggles. He was fired after a very unfortunate accident with the Big Red Car. However he was able to use his contacts inside the industry to get Dr. Rachel Dunlop a job as the voice of Dirtgirl.
Everyone's favorite Skepchick Rebecca Watson was slated for the starring role in the upcoming Wonder Woman movie but lost out because she was unable to do her own stunts.
George Hrab was not in attendance at TAM but I discovered from another source that Geo was, in fact, born wearing a suit. Scientists are still baffled how he was able to tie a 4-in-Hand knot with such small fingers.
Jo Benhamu's name has been used as a chant in Buddhist temples for decades.
It has finally been revealed that Phil Plait and Richard Wiseman are the exact same person. Any picture showing them as two separate people is an optical illusion produced by a very very large mirror.
Skeptical Rogue Bob Novella revealed to all that he is Team Jacob while brother Jay is Team Edward. Brother Steve, Team Van Hellsing.
The ghost of Martin Gardner made a very brief appearance to confirm that the afterlife exists, but before they let you into have you have to explain Curry's Paradox in detail.
Hemant Mehta, not exactly "friendly". More of a "generally cordial".
Richard Dawkins admitted that he really does believe in God, he just does the atheist shtick for all the ladies.
During some late night hot tubbing it was discovered that Michael Shermer wears a pair of bicycling shorts AT ALL TIMES.
Now that her career at Purdue is over, Jennifer McCreight of Blag Hag can finally admit that she was more of an IU fan all along.
DJ Groethe, not a real disc jockey.
PZ Myers was also not in attendance but photographic evidence has confirmed that he currently has a school of zebrafish living in his beard.
And finally, in a shocking turn of events James Randi admitted that he is a half-elf sorcerer who has been using magic spells during Million Dollar Challenges in order to make woo-meisters look foolish.

How Do You Want to Live Your Life?

2010-07-15T02:42:00.000-04:00

I've noticed over the years in debates that Christians often say that they don't like atheism and evolution because it allows people to live however they want to live. This then raises the question: Does this mean that Christians don't live how they want to live?
Do they not want to be Christians? Are there things they would want to do differently if you could stop being a Christian? Would they sin more if they didn't have the guilt hanging over your head? I have actually heard certain Christians say that if they didn't believe in God then they would go out cheating and stealing, raping and pillaging. (It's probably best that those sociopaths stay Christian if that is the only dam holding them back.)

Maybe there is some undercurrent among Christians that they feel that they must deny themselves of earthly pleasure in order to be more godly. That typically means not enjoying alcohol and pretending that they don't like having sex. That's always seemed backwards to me though. If God created (or allowed to exist) all of these magnificent things around us then why shouldn't we enjoy them to the fullest? I say "Eat, Drink, and Be Merry for tomorrow Jesus may come back and ruin the party."

St. Timothy the Lucky Bastard

2010-07-13T01:18:00.002-04:00

Heinlein's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

IO's Razor: Never attribute to intelligence that which is adequately explained by sheer dumb luck.

Since the very first days of Discordianism we have always revered the most absurd of characters and raised them up to saintly status. Of course the archetype is Joshua Norton, the First Emperor of these United States and Protector of Mexico. It has come to my attention though that there is another early American that should be revered as highly as Emperor Norton.

His name is Lord Timothy Dexter. Wikipedia immortalizes him thusly:

Timothy Dexter was born in Malden, Massachusetts. He had no schooling to speak of and was working as a farm laborer at the age of 8. When he was 16, he became an apprentice to a leather-dresser.

In 1769 he moved to Newburyport, Massachusetts and began his trade. He was successful enough to attract a wife, a rich widow Elizabeth Frothingham, and buy a big house. He was considered a lackwit by his social contemporaries, and they gave him bad business advice in order to discredit him and make him lose his fortune.

At the end of the American Revolutionary War he bought large amounts of depreciated Continental currency that was worthless at the time. When trade connections resumed, he had amassed a fortune. He built two ships and began an export business to the West Indies and to Europe.

Because he was basically uneducated, his business sense was peculiar but extremely lucky. Somebody inspired him to send warming pans for sale to West Indies, a tropical area. His captain sold them as ladles for local molasses industry and made a good profit. Next Dexter sent wool mittens to the same place. Asian merchants bought them for export to Siberia.

His next venture was selling coal to Newcastle, which should have been a sure failure. His ships happened to arrive in the time of a coal miner's strike and potential customers were actually desperate.

He exported bibles to East Indies and stray cats to Caribbean islands and again made a profit. He also hoarded whalebone by mistake, but ended up selling them profitably as a support material for corsets.

At the age of 50 he decided to write a book about himself - A Pickle for the Knowing Ones or Plain Truth in a Homespun Dress. He wrote about himself and complained about politicians, clergy and his wife. The book contained 8,847 words and 33,864 letters, but absolutely no punctuation, and capital letters were sprinkled about at random. At first he handed his book out for free, but it rapidly became popular and ran into eight editions in total.[citation needed] When people complained that it was hard to read, for the second edition he added an extra page - 13 lines of punctuation marks - asking readers to "peper and solt it as they plese".

One day he began to wonder what people would say about him after he died. He proceeded to announce his death and to prepare for a burial. About 3,000 people appeared for the wake. However, Dexter's wife refused to cry for his passing, for which he later caned her, and so he decided not to appear to his guests at all. Timothy Dexter actually died in 1806.

St. Timothy truly was the luckiest bastard to ever grace this earth. He couldn't fail even if he tried. He was the living embodiment of Born Lucky. He is the type of character that, if he hadn't existed in real life then an author such as O. Henry or Washington Irving would have had to invent him. If you would like to see some of Lord Timothy's writings you can find his “A PICKLE FOR THE KNOWING ONES; or Plain Truths in a Homespun Dress” online. Don't try to understand it, just let the words roll off of your mind.

In a way, Mr. Dexter shows that fate can be a very fickle thing. Lady Luck sometimes plays favorites. In this case she took an uneducated man who could barely write and knew almost nothing of business and made him one of the richest men in post-colonial New England. He used up so much good luck in one lifetime that you'd swear that he had a rabbit's foot constantly shoved up his arse. He is truly an inspiration to us all.

So, by the power divested in my by the Supreme Goddess Eris I dub thee St. Timothy the Lucky Bastard.

(Tip of the papal hat to Pope Tom for bringing Lord Dexter to my attention)

Discordian Hymnal #031

2010-07-01T06:29:00.000-04:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #031 "Theologians" by Wilco

Applied Ignosticism

2010-06-29T03:02:00.002-04:00

If you've been following me long enough then surely you remember my post on ignosticism, the belief system that says that the term God is meaningless. Personally, I don't think that I did the concept justice but I was young at the time and felt that the idea needed to be out there so others can know about it (plus it got me featured in the Skeptics' Circle so it wasn't all bad.

I wanted to revisit the idea because it occurred to me that it's not just the term "God" that is meaningless but there are many other theological terms that are equally nonsensical or under-defined.

Take for instance "heaven" and "hell". I believe that the current definitions for the two are "spending eternity in God's presence" and "spending eternity separated from God" respectively. (YMMV, since some have an idea of heaven that includes pearly gates, fluffy clouds, and streets of gold while hell is either fire and brimstone or a cold grave.) Notice that both of definition are dependent on the concept of God, which we've already said is undefined.

Another fuzzy term is "sin". Sin is typically considered "an action or thought that goes against God's Will". But how can we know what is God's will if we don't even know who he is? At this point we are all just guessing about what he wants.

To give you an example of the effect all of these ill-defined terms have on theology discussions I will take a paragraph that I was recently able to provoke over at Yahoo Answers. God is now "Lof". Heaven is now "Nevel". Hell is now "Nimm". Sin is now "wub".

Nimm is a place of eternal separation from Lof, and people go there when they die because they chose to separate themselves from Lof while living on earth. Lof created us with a free will to make our own choices and separating ourselves from Lof is one of the choices we are free to make. Our free will is a wonderful gift from Lof in that he does not force us to love Him or to follow him. With out our free will, we would be nothing but puppets or robots, which does not please Lof, and certainly does nothing to better our lives. While Lof desires that everyone would choose to love him, many people will choose not to. These people will die in their wubs and be separated from Lof forever in hell. Man from the beginning has Lof’s law written in his heart, and has the power to obey it, and yet was capable of disobeying, being left to the freedom of his own will. Man was created with holy character prompting him to holy actions; but man was fallible, and did fall from his integrity. Many would say that this is unfair, and that a loving Lof would never set up a system such as this; it is precisely God’s love for us, and the fact that He is perfectly just, that tells why nimm exists, and why men and women will choose to go there. Lof loves us so much that He respects our freedom of choice. If we choose not to love Him, then why would He want us to live with Him eternally in Nevel? Wouldn’t living for eternity with someone we don’t love be a kind of nimm any way? Lof wants to spare those people who don’t love Him from having to live with Him and be under His rule for eternity.

Clear as mud, isn't it? I don't know how that could possibly make sense no matter what words you put in the place of God or hell. Add to it all of the mental wankery that is "free will" and that paragraph isn't even worth reading. This is why I see most of theology a waste of time. It's nonsense talk to give comfort to the ignorant masses.

I'll leave you with a real definition provided by Ambrose Bierce in The Devil's Dictionary:

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

PSA: Don't Be a Dick

2010-06-24T04:43:00.003-04:00

Skepchick Rebeca Watson has decided to do yet another video series, this time on the subject of Not Being a Dick while being a skeptic. First episode: The Will

Discordian Chain Letter

2010-06-23T02:57:00.000-04:00

=========================DO NOT MODIFY THIS TEXT=============================

Do you know who in 1923 was:

1. President of the largest steel company?

2. President of the largest gas company?

3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

4. Greatest wheat speculator?

5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?

6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men should have been considered some of the world's most sucessful men.

At least they found the secret of making money. Now more than 46 years later,

do you know what has become of these men?

1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.

2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is insane.

3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from prison

to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, t.

5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide.

The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship,

Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. Today he is still

playing golf and is solvent.

CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START WORRYING ABOUT THE

ILLUMINATI

===========================KEEP THIS LETTER==================================

This letter originated in Sweden the home of the Illuminati, has been passed

around the world at least 23 times, bringing discord to everyone who passed it

on. Do not pass this letter around. Print it out and leave it randomly on

random objects in random places. Finally, bury a copy of this in a glass jar

in your back yard with $0.01c of american currency. We will contact you within

5 days at this point.

=======================DO NOT KEEP THIS LETTER===============================

Print out at least 23 copies of this letter and leave it everywhere. Staple it

to poles in the dead of the night, put it under windshield wipers in parking

lots, stack it in free newspaper dispensers, give it away! Introduce your

neighbors to chaos! Everyone who hands out at least 23 copies of this letter

will be smiled upon by Eris and is officially immune to the Illuminati. The

more copies you send out, the more immune you are! Imagine finding money on

the streets! Get Free Food! Get Gorgeous Babes and/or Handsome Men!* Win the

Lottery! Stop wars in foreign countries! Confuse the hell out of first, second

and third souled beings! Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia! Anagram this phrase!

Et In Arcadia Ego...*

=============================KEEP THIS LETTER================================

It will change your life! Bring the four angels to your aid with this letter!

Do it for the Widow's Son! Do what thou will. Remember, Bill Shakespear's

birthday is 4/23, and thats the same day as Discordian Day! Especially if it

falls on a Friday! Eat a hot dog on a bun For eris! NOw foR something

completely Different. Praise Bob, for he is Eris' brother! Did you know that

Joeseph was a Freemason? George Washington was actually Adam Weishaupt?

Jesus didnt die on the cross? Read the Nag Hammadi Manuscripts! Bring back

the Knights Templar! Achieve Gnosis! Get a really good fuck. Answer these

questions for yourself...*

1. Who was Adam the son of?

2. Does God have an opposite?

3. How many sons of God are there?

4. Are the sons of God also Gods?

5. Are any sons of God less than others?

6. What is the goal of prophets and teachers?

7. How many minds are there?

8. What is a human being?

9. Is mankind finished or in process?

10. How much can we and should we attempt?

11. What is the purpose of consciousness?

12. What is the next step?

=============================BURN THIS LETTER===============================

This is Sirius business.

AAAOOOOZORAZZAZZAIEOAZAEIIIOZAKHOEOOOYTHOEAZAEAOOZAKHOZAKHEYTHXAALETHYKH

If you see the mad fishmonger, give him my regards.

IO PAN IO PAN PAN IO PANGENITOR IO PANPHAGE!

Schrodinger's cat and Wigner's friend

Cause us problems without end

The cat is both alive and dead

In math that's in our head

And the regression of Von Neumann

Never ceases to annoy Man

The uncertainty just has no end

Until Wigner goes to tell his friend

For, until the friend receives the news

That the cat still purrs and mews

The cat remains (suspended Fate!)

In some formal Eignstate

But if Wigner makes a beeline

To report the now-dead feline

All the friend can really know

Is just one branch of time's swift flow

For in Carter's multispace

Every time-brance has its place

So the cat remains alive

In the half cases (That's .5)

Lead us not to Copenhagen

Nor to Shylock, nor to Fagin

"The result's not parsimonious!"

Yet I find it quite harmonious

===============================EAT THIS LETTER================================

^L^L^L

* What? Sexual preferance? How Droll.

^L

* Its in Latin and so is the answer.

^L

* Check these references for insight..

1) Luke 3:38

2) Exodus 3:14, Ephesians 4:4-6

3) Romans 8:14-17

4) John 10:34

5) Colossians 3:4

6) Ephesians 4:11-13

7) Deuteronomy 4:39, Exodus 3:14

8) Genesis 1:26

9) John 3:2

10) John 14:12

11) Corinthians 9:8, Luke 12:32

12) Romans 8:19

p.s. Don't believe anything you read.

begin 600 whoami

5;F5P=7)K8F5P=F9G0'=H="YJ F4*

`

end

=============================MODIFY THIS TEXT==================================

h/t to Telarus who discovered this at Totse.com

Discordian Hymnal #030

2010-06-11T13:11:00.000-04:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #030 "I am the Anti-Pope" by Zlad.

I'm Not Dead Yet, MFers!!!

2010-06-08T03:28:00.006-04:00

Hey, look at that. I'm still alive. Yes, I've managed to move all of my belongings roughly two blocks to the west and didn't kill myself. I did learn several things in the last week and a half:

1) I have entirely too much shit. I actually long for the days when I didn't have as much shit. Almost exactly seven years ago I managed to fit all of my possessions (minus a futon to sleep on) into my 1989 Buick Skylark. I lost count of how many trips it took me to move my current collection of shit. Granted, not all of it was mine since my wife and daughter had to move their belongings too. I'm still saddened by how many possessions I have. Is that weird? It's almost un-American to say something like that. Most of my shit consists of half-read books and clothes I never wear anymore. I was able to get rid of some of my shit but I still feel like I have too much weighing me down.

2) During the move I was without both cable and internet for roughly 5 days. This was mostly due to bad planning on my part and not some horrible service on the part of the cable company. It was during this time that I discovered that I have an addiction to the internet. And I'm not talking about "Tee hee, I really like the internet". I seriously have an addiction problem when it comes to the internet. I have a bad problem of obsessing about it. Regularly I would wake up, check my e-mail, read about 50-60 blog posts per day, neurotically read every single post made on the forums that I frequent, surf YouTube for a bit, watch the Twitter and Facebook feeds constantly scroll past, reload Yahoo Answers for hours at a time. The internet was no longer a form of entertainment, it was a job. I am not exaggerating when I say that I spent more than 8 hours a day on the internet. Along the way I lost who I was. My personality was gone, replaced by a tangled strand of wires and cables.

Having those 5 days away from the internet did a good job of helping me put my life into perspective. The internet used to be just a fun pastime for me and I need to get back to that. I'm not going to leave the internet, I'm just going to prioritize my time better. I don't know yet if that means more or less blog posts from me. Wait and see.

3) On a lighter note, while I was sans cable and internet I took the time to finally watch "The Men Who Stare at Goats". If you haven't heard of it, it's based off of the Jon Ronson book of the same name and stars George Clooney, Ewan McGregor and Jeff Bridges. It's mostly about the US Army's attempts to research New Age concepts and the paranormal and adapt them for combat use. Great movie. I don't have time to do a full review since I've already sent the DVD back in it's little red envelope but I'll tell you that you need to go see it now. It touches on a lot of skeptical and Discordian themes throughout the movie. George Clooney's line, "There are different ways of looking at reality," is one of the most succinct definitions of Discoridanism I've ever heard. Plus the army officer attempting to run through a wall at the very beginning of the film is a perfect visualization of The Barstool Experiment.

4) When I finally did get my internet back I avoided my usual haunts for a little while longer and found an interesting site called Digital Dream Door. Most of the site is taken up by enormous music lists like Greatest Rock Artists, Greatest Rock Guitar Solo, 1000 Songs Every Rock Fan Should Know, etc. All of the lists are completely subjective but I still found them fascinating. Some of the lists are spot on and some of them I disagree with greatly. (Greatest Lyrical Performances features Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen way too much). Overall it is a fun site that any music lover would enjoy.

I said all of that to say that that site completely changed my mind on what is the Greatest Rock Song in history. If you had asked me before last week I would have said Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" hands down. It has the best ensemble performance in rock. Robert Plant screeching his lungs out, Jimmy Page belting out one of the best guitar solos ever, John Paul Jones laying down some super phat bass lines and John Bonham hitting the shit out of his skins.

But then... I was forced to reconsider another arena rock song from another British band from the same era: "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who. It's one of those songs that I've heard a million times without actually listening to it. It's become very cliche over the last couple of decades with classic rock stations playing it a minimum of twice a day, plus it's the theme song of CSI: Miami and loved deeply by any political commentator who has become disillusion by demagoguery. But there is still something about cranking it up as loud as you can handle and screaming along with Roger Daltrey's opening notes.

I hate admitting it but it is better than "Whole Lotta Love". Daltrey's singing is better, Townsend's guitar is better (and he pulls double duty by playing one of the best syth solos ever), John Entwistle plays his bass like a god and Keith Moon is fucking Keith Moon. If you don't believe me check out the version from The Kids are Alright:

Pure brilliance.

5) And finally I learned that sleep is for the weak. For some god awful reason my work decided that everyone on second shift (including me) should completely rearrange their lives and start working third shift. So the good news is I'm now working 9 to 5, the bad news is that it's the wrong 9 to 5. Doing this on top of moving has made this one of the most stressful weeks of my life. The fact that I'm still able to make complete sentences is a small miracle.

So with that I am off to bed. I'll try to get back on a regular blogging pattern as soon as I can. Don't miss me too much. Good morning and Hail Eris!

Owner of a Lonely Heart

2010-05-30T03:31:00.004-04:00

Sorry that I haven't posted much lately. I had a very hectic week. I am currently frantically trying to move all of my earthly possessions out of one apartment to another slightly bigger one exactly 2 blocks to the west. This is all to prepare for another addition to my family that will arrive around the middle of August. I don't think I've mentioned that here before. It's going to be a boy. Feel free to offer name suggestions in the comments.

On top of that I won't be able to post much next week either because I will be without internet access for three or four days. I can already feel the withdrawal symptoms kicking in. Ironically (or not) time away from the internet usually gets me motivated. Maybe I'll actually do some writing. I've got at least 2 posts in my head that need to come out.

Anyways, in order to tide you over here is a new video just released by the wonderful George Hrab covering Yes's "Owner of a Lonely Heart".

Personally, I think that it's a tad below his cover of "And You and I" from his Hall of Fame Geologic Podcast episode #36 but I still love it for being a VideoSong in the style of Pomplamoose.

For his next video I request, nay! demand Yes's "Heart of the Sunrise". Sure there's not much demand for ten and a half minute long progrock songs and it has one of the most complex rhythm parts in the history of contemporary rock music but who doesn't love a challenge? Barring that I want to see him to do either Lady Gaga's "Telephone" in the country-western/bluegrass style or Camera Obscura's twee-pop hit "Lloyd, I'm Ready to Be Heartbroken". Mainly because I can't go those damn songs out of my head lately. If he can't do those then I have two words: Cuddlecore. Don't make me use the ~~infamous~~ non-existent sex tape as black mail, Hrab!

Darwin the Movie and I Ain't No Kin to the Monkey

2010-05-24T23:08:00.002-04:00

Here's a pair of evolution themed vids making the rounds right now. First off, Dana Carvey IS DARWIN!!!

Dana Carvey is "DARWIN" - watch more funny videos

Secondly a fun little Christian song called "I'm No Kin to the Monkey". I really really want this to be a Poe but I suspect that it's not.

(Tip of the hat to Pharyngula and Unreasonable Faith respectively.)

Draw Muhammad or Die

2010-05-20T02:56:00.006-04:00

I assume that most of you are already aware of the big to-do earlier this year about Comedy Central censoring an episode of South Park that featured the Super Best Friends, in particular Muhammad. As a form of protest today has officially been declared Everybody Draw Muhammmed Day. Of course as with any major project like this has it's own Facebook Group. Or if you want a real laugh go over the counter protest group called "We Stand Against Draw Muhammad Day" which has this paragraph in it's information section:

We all unite against draw Muhammad day, This sickens us to see the so called civilized nation acting in this barbaric manner !
HATRED IS NOT FREEDOM OF SPEECH !

First off which is more barbaric: drawing a cartoon of a long dead "prophet" or attempting to hurt or kill someone for drawing that picture? Secondly, yes hatred is freedom of speech. Freedom of speech doesn't mean that you just allow speech you agree with. It means that you have to put up with letting assholes have their say because at any time you might be one of those assholes. And freedom of speech means that you definitely DON'T have the right to never be offended. In fact, it guarantees my right to be as offensive as possible safe in the knowledge that the government cannot punish me (unless I stray into libel/slander territory).

Personally, I am a horrible artist. I was just going to put up a stick figure drawing with the caption "This may or may not be the prophet Muhammad" but I'm sure someone has already done that. Instead, I was inspired by the always great YouTubers AronRa who repurposed a drawing of Subgenius figurehead J.R. "Bob" Dobbs into a picture of Muhammad and ZOMGitsCriss who said that she was, in fact, the prophet Muhammad. I'm not nearly that talented so I found a better picture and added my own caption.

Tip of the photoshop brush to Friendly Atheist Hemant Mehta who has a huge compilation of Muhammad pictures.

Eris's Wager

2010-05-19T01:34:00.004-04:00

You'll be excused for not noticing but the other day one of my very very old posts was hit up by a drive-by troll. In my award-winning post about Questions that Creationists Can't Answer the anonymous coward posted the following:

look up radioactive halos at halos.com
think about this:
if creationism is wrong and the bible is wrong than are we any worse for beliveing it? but what if it's right? than you have a lot to worry about. better safe than sorry!

The first part isn't even worth answering. If you want to know about the creationist claim that polonium halos somehow prove that the earth is young there is an excellent article about it on TalkOrigins.

As for the rest of that post, if you've studied theology for longer than five minutes you would recognize it as a creationist version of Pascal's Wager. The wager can be summed up as follows:

If you erroneously believe in God, you lose nothing , whereas if you correctly believe in God, you gain everything. But if you correctly disbelieve in God, you gain nothing, whereas if you erroneously disbelieve in God, you lose everything.

Obviously there are many things wrong with this. The first is the assumption that believing in God means you lose nothing. Then there is the assumption that God will reward you solely on your beliefs and not your actions (and not punish you for you simply hedging your bets). And there is the assumption that the Christian God is the correct one and not the millions of other gods and goddesses that have been worshiped since mankind first bowed to the sun.

Therefore, I have taken to come up with some new wager's of my own.

Cthulu's Wager: The god that exists may be the most malevolent being possible so it is best to worship Cthulu and hope that He eats you first instead of torturing you for eternity.

Dawkin's Wager: It is better to lack belief and do good on earth then hope that whichever god is up there rewards works and intellectual curiosity over mere belief.

Eris's Wager: All of the gods and goddesses might actually exist so it is best to worship as many as you can before you die in order that one might favor you enough to give you a VIP pass to the afterlife.

Discordian Hymnal #029

2010-05-18T01:42:00.002-04:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #029 "No Children" by The Mountain Goats.

The Spitefulness of Belief

2010-05-17T00:17:00.004-04:00

F.D.R. Stuart claimed that the purpose of POE was to accelerate the dialectical process of evolution toward the classless society where all would live in peace, prosperity, and socialist solidarity, and there would be no cops.

The real purpose of Stuart's activities was to get even. - Schrödinger's Cat

In case you hadn't heard, over the weekend the Episcopal Church ordained their second openly gay bishop. This time a lesbian reverend canon from the Diocese of Los Angles. As you can imagine this has created quite a stir in the church and will likely cause a major schism much like the issue of slavery did in the 1850s. That's not really what I wanted to talk about right now though. Interdoctrinal issues has never been my thing especially since I'm never even stepped foot in an Episcopalian church.

I find the Episcopalians' acceptance of homosexuals to be very progressive and open-minded and should be commended even if we do disagree on many many other points. It does bring up the question of how the world would be different if all other denominations were as friendly to gay people. I thought it such an interesting topic that I posed the question to the one online forum where I thought I would get the best possible answer: Yahoo Answers.

Yes, I know what you are going to say. Yahoo Answers is one of the dumbest places on the internet. It has successfully proven wrong the hypothesis of the Wisdom of Crowds over and over again and is more known for people asking "how is babby formed" and needing to "do way instain mother". It's not exactly the highest form of conversation over there. Half of the people are trolls and the other half you wish were trolls. But still, I have an obsession with the Religion and Spirituality section. In practice, it is just a bunch of people yelling at each other over their beliefs. The fast paced style appeals to me though which is why I'm a level 6 with over 14,000 points. (Yes, I really do need a life).

So, in order to see what the general feeling was about this topic I asked the simple question:

Would there be less atheists if Christianity was more accepting of homosexuals?

(I like to keep my question on YA as simple and straightforward as possible. Adding details is usually worthless and, I'll be honest, you get funnier answers from the idiots that are not smart enough to understand the question.)

It must have touched a nerve because I was able to get more than 30 answers on an otherwise slow Sunday afternoon. Many of them fell into the following categories: God doesn't change (LOL!) so we should keep on hating the gays, most people are atheists for other reasons than how Christians treat gays or WHARRGARBL. (That last one is typical of any question asked on YA).

The one who earned my Best Answer was Kevin B. since he was the only one who seemed to understand what I was getting at:

There may be more Christians, but I doubt it would convert many atheists. A Church not acceptiong (sic) homosexuals leads you to leave that Church, not change your belief in God.

If every single church in the world suddenly decided that they were going to cut the crap, stop calling homosexuality an abomination and finally give all homosexuals equal rights I don't expect any atheists to automagically convert back to Christianity. It just doesn't work that way.

However, it is more interesting to wonder how many people would have never left Christianity in the first place. For many people the treatment of gay people was the last straw (or one of the many straws) that finally broke the camels back. There are large numbers of people who were Christian and either gay or were close friends of a gay person who was made to feel an outcast for not thinking that love was a sin. There are similar controversies like that that have driven people out of their churches. For me it was creationism. For others it is the overwhelming politicization over the last several decades. For still others it is the oppression of woman that has been preached from the very beginning of Christianity. For some it was just a personal slight by another church member that drove them over the top.

But if you notice in each one of those issues it wasn't theology or reason that made them abandon their faith. Many current atheists who were raised Christian made an emotional decision to stop believing in God and then rationalized their way backwards. (It doesn't help that Christianity is unable to answer many basic questions.) Most people need that catalyst to break the spell religion has put them under.

Because, let's face it, humans suck at making rational choices. We often pick our religious and political beliefs in a reactive rather than proactive way. We believe one thing over another because FUCK THOSE OTHER GUYS! I'll cop to it. A long time ago I was added to the daily e-mail list of OneNewNow, the propaganda arm of the American Family Association. Very right wing and very very religious. I automatically assume that any story being reported by them is wrong and has at least one lie by omission. Why do I do that? Because FUCK THOSE GUYS. Granted, this method has actually worked 90% of the time but that doesn't mean it is right for me to be so biased.

So, what does this mean for us? First off, it means that we probably shouldn't try to rationalize people out of being religious. As the old saying goes, "You can’t reason someone out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into." I know that it's considered dirty and underhanded to use appeals to emotion in a debate but 1) they started it and 2) it actually works. Secondly, we should be more introspective and check our emotions at the door. Being your own Devil's Advocate is a very handy mindfuck. Don't be afraid to question your beliefs at all times. Don't let anger and spite cloud your judgment.

(One last thing: Yes, I realize that most of this post doesn't address people who weren't raised as religious and weren't exposed to faith at an impressionable age. And yes, there are people that are smart enough to rationalize their way out of religion. You are probably one of them. Also, you smell nice. Is that a new cologne?)

Harmonic Energy Oscillation

2010-05-16T01:40:00.003-04:00

Awesome Aussies Richard Saunders and Dr. Rachie from the Skeptic Zone podcast have graced all of us with a wonderful video on the new advanced quantum science of Harmonic Energy Oscillation. Ok, so Harmonic Energy Oscillation doesn't really exist. Instead Richard Saunders explains how applied kinesiology works and how you can do neat party tricks with it.

A Discordian Contemplates Turning Thirty

2010-05-13T03:29:00.007-04:00

I am in the twilight of my youth, not that I'm going to remember it - Ryan Adams

Dorothy wake up, it's time for work - Cursive

My grandfather on my dad's side never made it to the age of sixty. He worked for the railroad in the 70's. Ended up dying of a massive heart attack using a handcart. Right in the middle of a big intersection in my hometown. Going by that standard I am now middle aged at 30. I know better than that though since my dad and almost all of his brothers have successfully reached the age of 60. (Besides, longevity doesn't seem to be genetic).

However, I can't help but feel that my best days are behind me now. Not that I had much of a Glory Day in the first place. I didn't turn out to be the super genius that my math teachers predicted. I didn't end up being the ultra-successful evangelists that my fellow church goers prophesied (LOL, true story). I didn't even become the brilliant chemist that I wanted to become. I would be sad about not achieving my goals except for the fact that I have a horrible habit of not setting goals in the first place. (Keeps ya from being disappointed, don't ya know?) I've somehow managed to make it through the angsty part of my twenties without being too scarred. Sure, everything I was told as a kid was a lie but I got over it!

Instead, I became domesticated. Just another cog in a massive corporate machine. A bland suburbanite with a loving wife, 1.5 kids, and a stack of bills. That's difficult for anyone to come to grips with but how should I, as a Discordian, feel about it? Us Discordians are supposed to be wacky and chaotic. I'm dull and predictable even down to clocking into work at the exact same time every night. I'm not a dancer, a poet, an artist, a magician, a clown or a maniac. My philosophy and theology came from a Cracker Jack box. I'm not even the social butterfly type since I am painfully introverted. My cabal has always consisted of one.

So, have I failed Discordia? Did I really lose the Essence of Eris? Do I have to stop using the label "Discordian"?

No, of course not. I know that me focusing on a arbitrary number of revolutions around the sun has put me into this brown funk. I still have the urge to mindfuck people at every chance. I still feel the need to "spit on my hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats". I'm still entranced by the fractal patterns of Jupiter's clouds. Eris's spirit is in everyone, whether they want it or not. I know that I have many decades of Chaos still in front of me. Now, if only I could figure out the spell to wake me from this slumber.

Intermittens #10

2010-05-12T02:59:00.003-04:00

I almost completely missed the fact that the tenth issue of Intermittens has been published (hat tip to Professor Cramulus for that). This time the editor was Placid Dingo. I'm not exactly sure what the theme was supposed to be but the artwork came out very nicely (warning! some of this is NSFW). There's lots of comic strips from Bonejangles and a couple of articles from Cramulus. I highly suggest reading "Why I Put Up Posters" on page 15. There's also a great Discordian point/counter-point about anarchism via Cain and Ratatosk. The fake ads scattered throughout are a nice touch too.

Inter Mittens 10

As always, you can also read Intermittens over at Scribd.

Rationalist Anthem

2010-05-08T10:10:00.003-04:00

I covered Baba Brinkman's awesome Darwinistic one man show almost a year ago. Now he's back with a little Rationalist Anthem about how awesome science is called "Off That". Feel free to dance along.

National Day of No Prayer

2010-05-05T22:46:00.007-04:00

The National Day of Prayer is a very unusual holiday here in the United States. Its origins (like that of "In God We Trust" on our money and "Under God" in the pledge of allegiance) can be directly traced back to the heyday of the 1950s where everyone was screaming, "At least we aren't like those damn godless Commies!" It's weird in the fact that almost no one actually goes out of their way to celebrate it. A bunch of fundies swarm DC looking to glad-hand some VIPs, beg for money and twist some arms to get Congress to pass a non-binding resolution saying how much the Founding Fathers loved Baby Jesus. For everyone else it is just another Thursday in May (except for me since it occasionally falls on my birthday). I agree with the Freedom from Religion Foundation that it is unconstitutional and is a massive waste of time.

Now, what I would really love to see is Congress declare one day a "National Day of No Prayer". I want them to pass a non-binding resolution telling people to not pray for exactly one day. Just to see what would happen. I know that most people would ignore because, hey, it's freaking Congress. The fundies would go absolutely apeshit but no one pays attention to them either. At any rate, I'm dying to know how people would react if they didn't have the crutch of talking to their imaginary super friend for a little bit. Would they end up huddled in a corner by noontime? Or would they finally get off of their knees and do everything that they were expecting God to do for them?

Nah, I'm not that pollyannaish enough to believe it would work like that. Prayer is one of the single best examples of the Law of Fives. The prayer gets a positive answer: God answered our prayers! The prayer gets a negative answer: It's all a part of God's Plan. The prayer gets no answer at all: God wants us to wait. As always God gets all of the credit and none of the blame. Nice racket He's got going there. He doesn't even have to lift a finger. You might as well be praying to a jug of milk.

So, I know that a National Day of No Prayer would accomplish nothing, much like the National Day of Prayer does right now. It'd be nice to see people use some critical thinking about it for once though. Or at the very least did a day's worth charity instead of sitting in a stuffy church all day.

Tim Minchin's "Pope Song"

2010-04-29T23:51:00.002-04:00

The wonderful Tim Minchin just released a nice tribute to everyone's least favorite pope, Benedict XVI. Yeah, the guy who thinks he is the only pope. Everybody sing along!

Tip of the papal mitre to Attempts at Rational Behavior, Pharyngula, Skepchick and basically every other skeptical blog on the web. Yeah, I'm late, as usual.

The Never Ending Memeplex

2010-04-28T16:21:00.006-04:00

As I've mentioned before, Discordianism is an unwieldy concept to try to explain to someone. Just like any other religion/school of philosophy it can't be summed up in fifty words or less. What we can do though is treat it like a massive memeplex with many subcategories beneath it. Sort of deconstruct it by connecting all of the smaller memes that it touches. I don't expect this to ever be a complete list; that would be impossible. However, I do plan to update it as needed and I'm definitely asking for suggestions since I know that I have not come in contact with all the different forms of Discordianism that is out there and there are a lot of things I know I will have forgotten. Expect this post to change several times.

Eris
Chaos
Discord
Strife
Original Snub
Golden apple
Greek mythology
Hot dog buns
Erisian calendar

Fnord
Conspiracy theories
JFK/Oswald/Kerry Thornley
Bureaucracy
Illuminati
Propaganda
Pentagon
Law of Fives
Pineal gland

Black Iron Prison
Militant Subjectivism
Iron bars
Shrapnel
Spag
Think for Yourself, Schmuck!
Eristic/Aneristic Illusions/Principles
Imposition of Order = Escalation of Chaos
Aftermath

Taoism in a clown suit
Zen koans
Sacred Chao
Catma
Five tons of flax
Creation/Destruction
Nonsense as salvation
Everyone is Jesus in Discordia
Starbuck's Pebbles
Hung Mung
Mu!

Chaos Magick
Paganism
Popes/Momes
Turkey curse
Curse of Greyface
Cabbages
Sigil
Bugs Bunny
KLF
Operation Mindfuck
GASM
Memebombs
Fake mustaches

Fear the Boobquake

2010-04-26T00:20:00.007-04:00

BOOBS!!!

Ok, now that I have your attention... Hopefully you've been following the craziness over at Jen McCreight's Blag Hag. If not, here is a quick rundown. Last week a crazed Iranian cleric made the mistake of making a supernatural claim that could be tested. He said, "Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes." That's right, cleavage causes earthquakes. Well, he didn't mean the cleavage that occurs between rock formations but the cleavage in a woman's bossom. (Sidenote: The term penetrative cleavage proves that all geologists are massive pervs). Jen, being the science minded person that she is, decided to put it to the test:

Sedighi claims that not dressing modestly causes earthquakes. If so, we should be able to test this claim scientifically. You all remember the homeopathy overdose?

Time for a Boobquake.

On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own. Yes, the one usually reserved for a night on the town. I encourage other female skeptics to join me and embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts. Or short shorts, if that's your preferred form of immodesty. With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake. If not, I'm sure Sedighi can come up with a rational explanation for why the ground didn't rumble. And if we really get through to him, maybe it'll be one involving plate tectonics.

So, who's with me? I may be a D cup, but that will probably only produce a slight tremor on its own. If you'll be joining me on twitter, use the tag #boobquake! Or join the facebook event!

Since then tremors have passed through the internet. Going through my Google Reader I see that it has been mentioned by Skepchick, Pharyngula, Unreasonable Faith, Friendly Atheist, and ERV. She's already been covered by Rev. Barry Lynn, CNN, Mashable, the Washington Post, the Chicago Sun Times, and even the New Zealand Herald. On top of that she has a completely full schedule of interviews set up during the event tomorrow (including every single Indiana based news station).

Jen has managed to set forth a skeptical quake that has reached around the globe several times over. How the hell did she do it? No one really knows. Hemant over at Friendly Atheist has several ideas as to why (pithy name, good time line, humor, youth, BOOBS!) but in the long run no one really knows why these things happen. The media is so fickle that you never know what pick up its attention. As skeptics we have to just keep hammering away until something clicks. And when your name is called all you can do is ride that dragon out until the bitter end.

And showing a bit of cleavage along the way probably doesn't hurt either.

(Make sure to follow Jen on Twitter and watch the hashtag #boobquake for updates during the day)

Motivate Your Fallacies #2

2010-04-22T23:20:00.005-04:00

Since my last motivation poster was such a huge success (... or not) I've decided to give it another try. This one is about a logical fallacy that is near and dear to the heart of Creationists everywhere, the argument from ignorance.

Too harsh? Sure. Do I care? Not really. My personal tolerance for willful ignorance is all used up. I'm tired of seeing people worship at the altar of the God of the Gaps. Time to get off your knees and learn some SCIENCE, bucko.

(Also, sorry that the picture quality sucks. You'd be surprised how hard it is to find a good picture of Ray Comfort with just the right facial expression.)

Discordian Hymnal #028

2010-04-20T23:33:00.002-04:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #028 "Supertheory of Supereverything" by Gogol Bordello.

Reiki Therapy: Also Crap

2010-04-16T15:24:00.010-04:00

As I mentioned, this has been World Homeopathy Awareness Week. Somebody forgot to tell the Indianapolis Star though because they completely skipped over it in their Health section this week. Or maybe this is one of those homeopathic things where the less reporting you do the more effective it becomes. At any rate, instead of discussing homeopathy they decided to report on something as worthless as homeopathy (but not quite as dangerous), Reiki therapy. In quick SAT analogy form:

Reiki : Massage :: Homeopathy : Medicine

Reiki is a not-so-ancient Japanese version of therapeutic touch therapy. As the Indy Star put it:

In Reiki, a light-touch healing treatment, the practitioner gently places his or her hands in specific positions on a person's body. The therapy, which originated in Japan more than 100 years ago, draws on the belief that our bodies have a universal energy source around them. Reiki practitioners harness that energy and transmit it to their clients.

Translation for those that don't speak woo: a therapist waves their hands around your body and this somehow makes you feel better. They say that they are rearranging your "Chi" but they never feel explain what exactly they mean by "chi" and "energy" nor do they tell us how we might be able to detect these things. The entire concept relies very heavily on animism, the belief in an innate soul/energy that resides in all living creatures. They also never explain how moving your hands very slowly over someones body can rearrange that energy. I'm guessing that you have to concentrate really hard, breathe slowly and hold your tongue just right.

I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you...
(Photo via the Indy Star)

The weird thing is that reiki does work... kinda. Sorta. People report that it makes them feel more relaxed and can help alleviate pain. The obvious answer isn't that reiki aligns your energy but that it is tapping into the placebo effect. You are forced to lie completely still for about an hour while someone does an elaborate (and useless) ritual around you. Of course you are going to start feeling relaxed. The article even mentions that people occasionally fall asleep during the procedure (probably from boredom). There doesn't seem to many scientific studies on reiki yet but I would love to see how it stacks up against things real massage therapy, hypnosis, or simply having the patient to rest in a darkened room while listening to soothing music. I'm guessing that they would fare roughly equal to one another.

As a side note that is sorta buried in the original story, reiki therapy is being used by nurses at St. Francis Hospital which is very obviously a Catholic hospital. That really surprised because I was under the impression that Catholic bishops were banning the use of reiki. Either they've softened lately or they haven't gotten around to Indiana yet.

Betting on Infinity

2010-04-14T03:26:00.004-04:00

Qualia Soup has produced yet another great video so I am obligated to post it here. This time it is a collaboration with Theramin Trees about a piece of theology that has always bugged me: Pascal's Wager. For those not up on 17th century philosophy, Pascal said that it is better to wager that God exists and receive an eternal reward rather disbelief and lose everything. I know, you've already thought of at least three reasons why that makes no sense. The video does a great job of tackling all of those and many more. Plus it has a pretty sweet soundtrack, so feel free to dance around with your glow sticks while watching.

World Homeopathy Awareness Week

2010-04-12T00:01:00.007-04:00

For some very odd reason this week is World Homeopathy Awareness Week. I don't know who gets to decide these things but there it is. To raise your awareness on what homeopathy is and how it works. Homeopathy is a form of "alternative medicine" that dilutes preparations beyond the point of usefulness while shaking the bejesus out of them. As for how it works, well It doesn't fucking work. It's based on the absurd idea that water has some magical property called "memory" and that its memory of whatever poisonous substance that was diluted to less than one molecule per liter will cure what is ailing you. Trust me, water doesn't remember shit which is probably a good thing.

Thankfully homeopathy is almost strictly a British phenomenon. I'm not entirely sure why. However, there are some homeopathic medicines sold in popular US drug stores. More often then not they are things that are alleged to treat the common cold, headaches, allergies, ear aches, or menopause. Or they are homeopathic sleep aids that contain caffeine, which the Amazing Randi made infamous.

Long story short: homeopathy is nothing but wishful thinking that relies completely on sympathetic magic married to the placebo effect. There has never been any scientific evidence to prove that it works and every proposed mechanism to explain how it works is beyond laughable. The fact that anyone would think that it works boggles my mind.

P.S. Hi, Redditors!

Intermittens #9: Phobia

2010-04-10T23:31:00.002-04:00

Looks like I've spaced out because I completely missed the ninth issue of Intermittens being published a week and a half ago. This issue, which was edited by Peleus/Yatto, may be the scariest ever since it focuses on Phobia. It is to be avoided if you have an irrational fear of spiders, mittens, jabberwockies, Z҉A҉L҉G҉O̚̕̚ , and free thinking. There's some great stuff in this one from Professor Cramulus, the Late Great Reverend Roger, and Guy Incognito.

As always, it is available on Scribd. For some reason it hasn't been posted on the Intermittens site yet. I'm sure that will be fixed shortly.

Intermittens Nine

More Form Spring Me

2010-04-08T00:44:00.003-04:00

Oh hey, I just remembered that I have a Formspring.me account. Yes, again. C'mon, it's not my fault that I keep forgetting about it. I only get one question every 2 weeks so I've been saving them. Let's dive in and see what is in my bag:

1) WHY IS EVERYTHING INFINITELY MORE AMUSING IN CAPS LOCK AND WITH NO PUNCTUATION (via Herbertina Merrique)

BECAUSE CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL AND WRITING A WALL OF TEXT WITH ALL CAPS AND NO PUNCTUTION AND MULTIPLE MISPELLS IS A GREAT WAY TO CONVEY A) CRAZINESS B) LOUDNESS C) LAZINESS THE END

2) do you prefer eddie izzard with or without makeup? (via an anonymous coward)

Great question. I'm a huge fan of Eddie Izzard, a British comedian who used to do his comedy act as an "executive transvestite". Seriously, if you haven't watched his stand up special "Dress to Kill" then why are you still alive? It's easily in my top 5 comedy performances ever along with Mitch Hedberg's "Mitch All Together", Lewis Black's "Rules of Enragement", Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, and Kathleen Madigan's "In Other Words" (don't judge me!).

Back to the question though, yes Eddie Izzard was obviously better with the makeup. He's not as funny without it. It's almost as if the heel gave him the funny, like Samson's dreadlocks. I can think of only one time where he was funny without the dress, make-up and high heels on and that was twelve years ago in Mystery Men when he played Tony P. And then you have to admit that his outfit was pretty flamboyant.

It feels like in recent years he has been drawn to more serious roles, like "The Riches" and is actively trying to run away from comedy, which is a big mistake. As a serious actor he is extremely average. Almost forgettable. For instance, his Twitter feed is nothing but where he is currently at and what his jogging schedule is. There are much better uses of Twitter, my friend. However, as a comedian he is one of the best of all time.

So, yes. Eddie needs to put the heels back on and make with the funny.

3) is the cake a lie? (via Missy Grace)

The cake is in a constant quantum flux between the truth and a lie. Pie, on the other hand, is as honest as George Washington and Abraham Lincoln combined.

Ok, so there you go. Got more questions for me then drop by FormSpring.me and ask away. I'll try not to forget this time.

Discordian Hymnal #027

2010-04-07T00:52:00.001-04:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #027 "Whistling in the Dark" by They Might Be Giants.

Discordian Erister Sunrise Service

2010-04-04T07:23:00.002-04:00

[SCENE OPENS WITH A SMALL GROUP GATHERING TOGETHER IN A FIELD, JUST BEFORE DAWN]

Rev. Reinard: Thank you all very much for joining me for the first (of hopefully many) Erister sunrise services. Most of you we had to drag out of bed, kicking and screaming. And from the looks of it some of you didn't even bother going to sleep last night.

Please, LMNO, I understand that you are still in the partying mood but this is a residential area and there are people trying to sleep. Could you put the noisemakers away?

As I was saying, we are here to celebrate the beginning of a new...

Oh, Chloe, I say! Can you help keep Cramulus up? Ok, just sit him up again. Lean against him and he can lean against you. There, perfect.

Ok then. We are to celebrate the beginning of a new season. A season of hope and...

Nurse Mayhem, NO! What did I tell you? Dok Howl is not allowed to have any Death Coffee until after the service. I don't care. I am not chasing him into the woods again. I learned my lesson the last time.

Now, we are to celebrate the beginning of a new season. A season of hope and light. A chance for nature to renew itself just as the sun rises every morning.

What's that, Enki? Yes, I realize that the sun doesn't actually physically rise in the sky. I'm well aware of the general layout and physics of the solar system. It's called a metaphor. There's no need to be so pedantic about it... I say, there's no need to drag Galileo's ghost into this discussion. I fully understand the trouble he got into with that other pope guy but now is not the time...

You know what, screw all of this. I am going to Starbucks. You are all invited to follow if you promise to behave.

No, I don't think that they sell pebbles there.

New Fool's Day

2010-04-01T12:39:00.003-04:00

Yes, today is the silliest of all holidays, April Fools Day. Most Discordians view this day much like alcoholics view New Year's Eve: it's a day for the amateurs to come out of the woodwork and fail miserably at something we spend 365 perfecting. However, I'm an old softy and still have a laugh at their attempts whether it's Google changing their name to Topeka, Greta Christina's itinerary for the next big atheist convention, the Blag Hag pretending to have a crisis of faith or even Ricky Martin pretending to come out of the closet.

However I won't insult your intelligence by putting up some lame attempt at a practical joke or satire. That's what Facebook and Twitter are for. I would like to brag that I got eight different people (including a fictional character) to wish me happy birthday on Facebook and countless people to click on the new George Hrab sex tape on Twitter. Yes, these are cheap thrills but I must not let my followers/friends down. But you, my blog friends are prank connoisseur. That's why you get something from the vault, aged like a fine wine. Here's the classic segment originally aired by the BBC way back in 1957 about the Swiss Spaghetti Harvest.

If you get anybody good with an April Fool's prank leave a little something in the comment section.

More Sabotage

2010-03-29T02:43:00.005-04:00

If you are one of the half dozen long time readers that I still have left then you will no doubt remember my ground breaking post on the OSS Simple Sabotage Manual from last year. According to StatCounter it is the most popular post that I have ever written and still gets hits via Google every couple of days. (My post on The Book of Dirty Tricks, not so much.)

Since everyone in the audience loved the sabotage post so much I decided to share another little gem with the class. While browsing through Scribd recently it suggested a short pamphlet entitled "Sabotage: The Conscious Withdrawl of the Workers' Industrial Efficiency" by Elizabeth Gurley Flynn. Flynn was a labor leader for the International Workers of the World and feminist who helped found the ACLU. (And later in life, chairwoman of the United States Communist Party.) As you can imagine, she was full of spunk and probably accused of being uppity many times.

In 1916 she wrote "Sabotage" after being arrested during the Paterson, NJ silk strike. In it, she showed how sabotage can be used as an effective protest strategy instead of, or in conjunction with, workers' strikes:

The strike is the open battle of the class struggle, sabotage is the guerrilla warfare, the day-by-day warfare between two opposing classes.

I happen to like her definition of sabotage:

Sabotage means primarily: the withdrawal of efficiency. Sabotage means either to slacken up and interfere with the quantity, or to botch in your skill and interfere with the quality, of capitalist production or to give poor service. Sabotage is not physical violence, sabotage is an internal, industrial process. It is something that is fought out within the four walls of the shop. And these three forms of sabotage -- to affect the quality, the quantity and the service are aimed at affecting the profit of the employer. Sabotage is a means of striking at the employer's profit for the purpose of forcing him into granting certain conditions, even as workingmen strike for the same purpose of coercing him. It is simply another form of coercion.

She then goes on to give examples of how to effectively use sabotage to your advantage including "an unfair day's work for an unfair day's wage", interfering with the quality/durability/utility of the product, being brutally honest with the customer you are providing service to, and one of my personal favorites, "Work-to-Rule".

Reading through this gives you a real feel for how bad class struggles were even in the early 1900s. It's hard to imagine a day when workers had to fight for not only decent wages and benefits but also adequate sanitation, ventilation and even lighting. Say what you want about the sometimes bloated union organizations of today but a hundred years ago they were still very much needed for the health and well being of the everyday worker. If you work in a safe work environment with good pay and a 40 hour work week, then you have people like Elizabeth Gurley Flynn to thank. If you don't, then...

I am not going to attempt to justify sabotage on any moral ground. If the workers consider that sabotage is necessary, that in itself makes sabotage moral.

You can read "Sabotage" on Scribd, on IWW's website, or even listen to the audio version on Librivox.

Sabotage

(As always, ChaoSkeptic does not explicitly endorse the use of sabotage in everyday situation. If legal troubles should arise due to the use of techniques from this or any other work posted on ChaoSkeptic then you are on your own, Mister)

Discordian Hymnal #026

2010-03-25T04:36:00.002-04:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #026 "From a Balance Beam" by Bright Eyes.

Rebecca Watson: Sooper Sekret Discordian

2010-03-24T05:00:00.006-04:00

You all know who Rebecca Watson is, right? A#1 Skepchick,the only female Rogue on The Skeptics Guide to the Universe, married to that Sid guy. Yeah, her. In a ChaoSkeptic exclusive, I have uncovered incontrovertible evidence that Mrs. Watson-Rodriguez is secretly an Agent of Discord!

For those that are unable to watch Youtube video (or too lazy to sit through a three and a half minute long clip), long story short: some charismatic quack wrote an article in the Daily Fail saying that "molecules exposed to happy or loving environments form beautiful, symmetrical crystals, while those exposed to unpleasant influences are misshapen." Whatever that means. And to prove her point she talked nice to an apple for a week while also talking mean to another apple. Naturally the apple that had sweet nothings whispered to it was in better shape after the week is over. Wait, did I say "naturally"? I meant to say "stupidly". There is no rational reason for an apple to know or care what words you are saying to it. It doesn't even have ears ferchrissake!

Of course, every experiment needs to be repeatable in order for it to be considered scientifical so enter Rebecca Watson. She got an apple from the story, cut it into quarters, and placed three of them into jars (and ate the fourth). She is going to talk to each apple for a week to see if being kind makes them more beautiful and if being mean makes it ugly. Plus there is the control group: THE APPLE OF INDIFFERENCE. Each apple jar also go their own fake mustache, because, hey, fake mustaches are awesome.

This brings me back to my central point. Rebecca Watson playing with apples AND false mustaches at the same time! If this isn't a single to us Discordians that she is in our ranks then I don't know what is. Sure, she isn't throwing the apple at anything or snubbing anyone. And the false mustache thing is a very recent Discordian meme that has only been propagated by New ~~England~~ Spagland Erisians. But wait! Rebecca Watson formerly lived in the Boston area and is obviously sending a shoutout to the New Spagland Cabal! I've made all of the connections on the Glenn Beck Patented Dry-Erase Board™ in my basement. I always knew one of the Skeptics Rogues was one of us, but I just assumed that it was Evan.

You are The Man

2010-03-22T22:23:00.002-04:00

That's one of the big things you notice when you get older. The Establishment looks just like you. The Man is a middle-aged fat man that looks vaguely like one of your uncles. Right now, The Man has long hair. (Specifically, that weird look where he's bald on top with a long pony tail in the back.) In twenty years, The Man will have tattoos all up and down His arms. That's the strangest thing to learn: The Man is just a man. The world isn't ruled by a powerful cabal of Illuminated Ones or alien Reptiloids. This planet is ruled by a bunch of dumb stinking apes.

And The Machine isn't even a machine. The Machine is us. We are the Machine. Every single one of us is a slightly off balanced cog in The Machine. There's no way to get out of it. Eventually we will all end up ground down by the normal wear and tear of everyday use. And the worst part is that there is no way to destroy the Machine. It will just replicate itself with even more broken-down people.

There is no escape, make your time.

Place Holder

2010-03-18T02:02:00.001-04:00

I've been working too much lately and can't be bothered to post anything interesting. Instead, let's all sit around and make fun of libertarians:

I HAVE CHOLERA!

Happy Pi Day

2010-03-14T12:24:00.002-04:00

Today is March 14th, (3-14) which means that once again it is time for math nerds to come out of the woodwork and remind you how awesome the constant π is. Some will even show you how cool they are by reciting the first 100 digits of pi. Me, I'll just post a bunch of random stuff about pi and hope something sticks.

Top Ten Secret Provisions Added to Texas's Social Studies Curriculum

2010-03-13T02:07:00.003-05:00

As you may have heard by now, lately Texas's Board of Education has been debating their social studies curriculum. Since it is Texas you know that there have to be a majority of wingnuts on the board and they want to re-write history with a more conservative point of view. Thanks to a ChaoSkeptic exclusive undercover investigation, I have discovered some super secret additions to the new social studies curriculum that you won't find anywhere else:

10. "Joe McCarthy, Great American or Greatest American?"

9. Wall of Separation of Church and State officially the first one-way wall ever.

8. César Chavez, Thurgood Marshall, Anne Hutchinson. All godless Commies that hated American and didn't do anything important in the first place.

7. New forensic evidence showing that after the fourth amendment James Madison wrote in invisible ink, "Feel free to ignore this if scary dark-skinned men start blowing up buildings."

6. Thomas Jefferson? Never heard of the guy.

5. General Lafayette called a "cheese eating surrender monkey" who ran away from battle during the Revolutionary War.

4. New chapter added to 8th grade textbooks on famous dentists of the Old West.

3. Confederate president Jefferson Davis, not that bad a guy after all.

2. FDR revealed to be a Manchurian Candidate sent into the future by Karl Marx, thanks to Nikola Tesla's time machine, in an attempt to destroy America from the inside.

1. Students now required to bow to a bronze bust of Ronald Reagan every morning.

The Myst-Eris Stranger

2010-03-10T01:45:00.005-05:00

Mark Twain has long been considered one of the greatest of the Discordian saints. His biting wit has charmed readers for over 120 years and his always skeptical mind makes him one of the most famous atheists the United States has ever seen. Little known until now, Twain did actually feature the goddess Eris in one of his final pieces of work. Here is a sample chapter recently unearthed from the final notebook of Mark Twain:

It was wonderful, the mastery Eris had over time and distance. For her they did not exist. She called them human inventions, and said they were artificialities. We often went to the most distant parts of the globe with her, and stayed weeks and months, and yet were gone only a fraction of a second, as a rule. You could prove it by the clock. One day when our people were in such awful distress because the witch commission were afraid to proceed against the astrologer and Father Peter's household, or against any, indeed, but the poor and the friendless, they lost patience and took to witch-hunting on their own score, and began to chase a born lady who was known to have the habit of curing people by devilish arts, such as bathing them, washing them, and nourishing them instead of bleeding them and purging them through the ministrations of a barber-surgeon in the proper way. She came flying down, with the howling and cursing mob after her, and tried to take refuge in houses, but the doors were shut in her face. They chased her more than half an hour, we following to see it, and at last she was exhausted and fell, and they caught her. They dragged her to a tree and threw a rope over the limb, and began to make a noose in it, some holding her, meantime, and she crying and begging, and her young daughter looking on and weeping, but afraid to say or do anything.

They hanged the lady, and I threw a stone at her, although in my heart I was sorry for her; but all were throwing stones and each was watching his neighbor, and if I had not done as the others did it would have been noticed and spoken of. Eris burst out laughing.

All that were near by turned upon her, astonished and not pleased. It was an ill time to laugh, for her free and scoffing ways and her supernatural music had brought her under suspicion all over the town and turned many privately against her. The big blacksmith called attention to her now, raising his voice so that all should hear, and said:

"What are you laughing at? Answer! Moreover, please explain to the company why you threw no stone."

"Are you sure I did not throw a stone?"

"Yes. You needn't try to get out of it; I had my eye on you."

"And I—I noticed you!" shouted two others.

"Three witnesses," said Eris: "Mueller, the blacksmith; Klein, the butcher's man; Pfeiffer, the weaver's journeyman. Three very ordinary liars. Are there any more?"

"Never mind whether there are others or not, and never mind about what you consider us—three's enough to settle your matter for you. You'll prove that you threw a stone, or it shall go hard with you."

"That's so!" shouted the crowd, and surged up as closely as they could to the center of interest.

"And first you will answer that other question," cried the blacksmith, pleased with himself for being mouthpiece to the public and hero of the occasion. "What are you laughing at?"

Eris smiled and answered, pleasantly: "To see three cowards stoning a dying lady when they were so near death themselves."

You could see the superstitious crowd shrink and catch their breath, under the sudden shock. The blacksmith, with a show of bravado, said:

"Pooh! What do you know about it?"

"I? Everything. By profession I am a fortune-teller, and I read the hands of you three—and some others—when you lifted them to stone the woman. One of you will die to-morrow week; another of you will die to-night; the third has but five minutes to live—and yonder is the clock!"

It made a sensation. The faces of the crowd blanched, and turned mechanically toward the clock. The butcher and the weaver seemed smitten with an illness, but the blacksmith braced up and said, with spirit:

"It is not long to wait for prediction number one. If it fails, young lady, you will not live a whole minute after, I promise you that."

No one said anything; all watched the clock in a deep stillness which was impressive. When four and a half minutes were gone the blacksmith gave a sudden gasp and clapped his hands upon his heart, saying, "Give me breath! Give me room!" and began to sink down. The crowd surged back, no one offering to support him, and he fell lumbering to the ground and was dead. The people stared at him, then at Eris, then at one another; and their lips moved, but no words came. Then Eris said:

"Three saw that I threw no stone. Perhaps there are others; let them speak."

It struck a kind of panic into them, and, although no one answered her, many began to violently accuse one another, saying, "You said she didn't throw," and getting for reply, "It is a lie, and I will make you eat it!" And so in a moment they were in a raging and noisy turmoil, and beating and banging one another; and in the midst was the only indifferent one—the dead lady hanging from her rope, her troubles forgotten, her spirit at peace.

So we walked away, and I was not at ease, but was saying to myself, "She told them she was laughing at them, but it was a lie—she was laughing at me."

That made her laugh again, and she said, "Yes, I was laughing at you, because, in fear of what others might report about you, you stoned the woman when your heart revolted at the act—but I was laughing at the others, too."

"Why?"

"Because their case was yours."

"How is that?"

"Well, there were sixty-eight people there, and sixty-two of them had no more desire to throw a stone than you had."

"Eris!"

"Oh, it's true. I know your race. It is made up of sheep. It is governed by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise. Sometimes the noisy handful is right, sometimes wrong; but no matter, the crowd follows it. The vast majority of the race, whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind-hearted and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don't dare to assert themselves. Think of it! One kind-hearted creature spies upon another, and sees to it that he loyally helps in iniquities which revolt both of them. Speaking as an expert, I know that ninety-nine out of a hundred of your race were strongly against the killing of witches when that foolishness was first agitated by a handful of pious lunatics in the long ago. And I know that even to-day, after ages of transmitted prejudice and silly teaching, only one person in twenty puts any real heart into the harrying of a witch. And yet apparently everybody hates witches and wants them killed. Some day a handful will rise up on the other side and make the most noise—perhaps even a single daring man with a big voice and a determined front will do it—and in a week all the sheep will wheel and follow him, and witch-hunting will come to a sudden end.

"Monarchies, aristocracies, and religions are all based upon that large defect in your race—the individual's distrust of his neighbor, and his desire, for safety's or comfort's sake, to stand well in his neighbor's eye. These institutions will always remain, and always flourish, and always oppress you, affront you, and degrade you, because you will always be and remain slaves of minorities. There was never a country where the majority of the people were in their secret hearts loyal to any of these institutions."

I did not like to hear our race called sheep, and said I did not think they were.

"Still, it is true, lamb," said Eris. "Look at you in war—what mutton you are, and how ridiculous!"

"In war? How?"

"There has never been a just one, never an honorable one—on the part of the instigator of the war. I can see a million years ahead, and this rule will never change in so many as half a dozen instances. The loud little handful—as usual—will shout for the war. The pulpit will—warily and cautiously—object—at first; the great, big, dull bulk of the nation will rub its sleepy eyes and try to make out why there should be a war, and will say, earnestly and indignantly, 'It is unjust and dishonorable, and there is no necessity for it.' Then the handful will shout louder. A few fair men on the other side will argue and reason against the war with speech and pen, and at first will have a hearing and be applauded; but it will not last long; those others will outshout them, and presently the anti-war audiences will thin out and lose popularity. Before long you will see this curious thing: the speakers stoned from the platform, and free speech strangled by hordes of furious men who in their secret hearts are still at one with those stoned speakers—as earlier—but do not dare to say so. And now the whole nation—pulpit and all—will take up the war-cry, and shout itself hoarse, and mob any honest man who ventures to open his mouth; and presently such mouths will cease to open. Next the statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception."

Motivate Your Fallacies #1

2010-03-05T13:00:00.004-05:00

For a long time I've been meaning to do a little series on logical fallacies. Knowing your logical fallacies is an extremely important part of critical thinking. It helps to know what pitfalls there are along the way to making convincing arguments. (And, of course, abusing logical fallacies is one of the all time best trolling techniques).

I decided against doing the straight forward approach of listing and explaining some logical fallacies to you. There are already a ton of sites that do that much better than I ever could. Instead I have decided to use the art of ~~interpretative dance~~ Motivational Posters. Yeah, I know, not very original. But I haven't seen anyone else do a good series on it. It's something that's been needed to be done for awhile though. Hopefully this will be useful for people to drop into online debates whenever a jackass starts heading down the wrong path.

So here ya go, my first foray into memehood: Poisoning the Well. If the pic selected for it doesn't make sense, see here.

Discordian Hymnal #025

2010-03-04T02:18:00.001-05:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #025 "Greg! The Stop Sign" by TISM (This Is Serious Mum)

The Holy Pokey

2010-03-02T00:58:00.002-05:00

It turns out that the Hokey Pokey REALLY IS what it's all about:

Yeah, I'm completely confused by that. I guess it goes to show that it doesn't matter what words you use in your magical incantations. All it takes is music, the proper tone of voice and a large group to induce religious fervor. Stuff like this always creeps me out because it feels like at any second the leader could say "Fly my pretties! Kill!" and the audience would do it unquestioning. Hopefully there is a kill-switch in the brain that stops that from happening though.

h/t to Unreasonable Faith.

131st Edition of Skeptics' Circle

2010-02-26T17:17:00.002-05:00

The 131st edition of Skeptics' Circle is up over at Providentia (but not at Circular Reasoning as of this posting). My post on being a well-rounded skeptic is featured this fortnight. He calls me "slightly disordered but personable" which is definitely the most interesting compliment I've ever received.

Also in Skeptics Circle is an article about a group of people putting together a Skeptics track at GenCon this year. I will definitely have to keep an eye on that. I've lived here in Indianapolis for close to 7 years and still haven't made it to GenCon. I may have to fix that soon.

Surprise Me Eris!

2010-02-25T12:37:00.004-05:00

For those who aren't obsessive readers of the Principia Discordia forum, I'd like to bring to your attention a little experiment that Broken AI/Horrendous Foreign Liam Stoat is currently conducting:

It's obviously a take off of the Surprise Me, God program started by Christian author Terry Esau with the difference being that the god you are asking for a surprise from is a psychotic bitch that has the worst sense of humor in the Milky Way. Asking Eris for anything is to place a price on your own head. To ask Her for a Surprise is to invite a cosmic disaster the likes of which has never been seen. And yet, a bunch of us spags are still brave enough to try it for Thirty Days. Most of us started on Feb. 23rd but feel free to start whenever you think you have enough courage to withstand Eris's Wrath. Hopefully all of us will still be alive by the time this is over.

The Subconscious Art of Graffiti Removal

2010-02-24T00:45:00.000-05:00

And now here is an interesting movie called The Subconscious Art of Graffiti Removal. It's one of those things where it is impossible to tell where the truth ends and satire begins. On the one hand, graffiti removal should be considered a crime against nature for covering up legitimate art. On the other hand, some of the paint used for graffiti removal works really well as Minimalist Art. I am also intrigued by the thought of Subconscious Art put forth by this clip. Just like the Law of Fives, if you go in search of art in your everyday life then you will begin to see it everywhere. So that is your assignment for tomorrow. Look for subconscious art no matter where you are.

Tip of the paintbrush to Urban Prankster.

Intermitten #8: Self Reliance

2010-02-22T00:13:00.003-05:00

Looks like I am the last Discordian to cover it, but the eighth issue of Intermittens is finally up, this time with the theme of self reliance. Believe it or not but it's been more than 7 months since the last issue. I think it was worth the wait though since it includes Nigel's Parable of Steve, some advice from Richter on surviving not only a laser battle but also an anime-con, a great article from Cain on fascism and TGRR's Year of the Rat #2. Enjoy!

Intermittens, vol 8: Self Reliance

The Well-Rounded Skeptic

2010-02-20T00:04:00.007-05:00

Thanks to my super generous wife yesterday I received an Amazon Kindle for Valentine's Day (and birthday and anniversary and Father's day and...) So far I'm loving it, but I'll have to get used to reading everything in grey-scale. As my first major purchase I selected Chris Rodda's "Liars For Jesus: The Religious Right's Alternate Version of American History" because 1) It's been on my wish list for a ridiculous amount of time 2) I don't have enough rage in my diet 3) the Kindle edition is about half the price of the paper edition and 4) I've been meaning to dive into the debate about the social studies standards in Texas and Chris's book is perfect ammunition for it.

I haven't even begun to read the book so I can't even begin to give a review but it did get me thinking about something I find interesting. Do you realize how many different branches of knowledge you have to touch to even start to be a well-rounded skeptic? Ok, here's partial list I came up with off the top of my head:

Obviously, to go against theocratic revisionists like David Barton you have to know about early American history, Enlightenment philosophy plus quite a bit about Constitutional law.

To be a Nazi Killer going up against Holocaust Deniers you have to know World War II like the back of your hand. Being fluent in German doesn't hurt either.

If you are up against anti-vaxxers, homeopaths, and various other "natural medicine" woosters you have to know about medicine, immunology, and virology. (It's usually very easy to beat them with basic chemistry though.)

If you want to kick a psychic or medium in the balls you have to know cold reading, psychology and sleight of hand tricks. It's often handy to know all the neat camera tricks too.

Because Creationists are typically very very confused about everything you have to have basic knowledge in biology, genetics, geology, paleontology, fluid mechanics, thermodynamics, physics, astrophysics, cosmology, theology, psychology, and, if they are feeling really adventurous, neuroscience.

For cryptozoology you have to know real zoology.

If you want to wade into the climate change debate you have to know the difference between climatology and meteorology. (Basic chemistry helps here too.)

For dowsers... well, you just need your eyes for that one. (Dude, I totally just saw him move his elbow!!1!)

And on top of all of that, you have to memorize the entire list of logical fallacies, know how to do your own research plus know your opponent's arguments, your arguments, and your opponent's counter-arguments. Meanwhile, all they have to do is know how to make shit up on the spot. Doesn't really seem fair now, does it?

Discordian Hymnal #024

2010-02-17T01:33:00.001-05:00

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #024 "Kick Out the Jams" by MC5.

Form Spring Me

2010-02-15T01:52:00.002-05:00

The newest sensation that is hitting the social networks lately is a little site called FormSpring.me. With this handy little invention you get to interact with your friends and "friends" by asking them questions and answering them back. I signed up for it several months back... and then promptly forgot that it existed. (Note: I seem to do this a lot. I had my Twitter account for more than a year before doing anything with it.) Thankfully they sent me an e-mail a couple of days ago reminding me that I had questions to answer. Here's the best questions sent to me and my response:

#1. WHY ARE YOU IMMANETIZING MY ESCHATON? from the always interesting RyanCacophony:

The typical answer of why I do anything is, of course, for the LULZ. For those that haven't read The Illuminatus! Trilogy, ~~GTFO of my blog~~ "to immanentize the eschaton" means to either bring about heaven on earth or to bring the end of the world closer to fruition. Personally, I feel that anyone who is praying for the end of the world can't be right in the head. How psychotic do you have to be to actively hope that not only your enemies die a painful and agonizing death but to also hope that you and all your friends and family go down with the ship? Of course, these people always assume that they will be scooped up by Jesus at the last second. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. The odds show that you aren't one of the Elect and Sheol waits for you just like everyone else.

Now, if you are talking about "immanentizing the eschaton" as trying to form a more perfect union here on earth: sure, I can live with that. Just don't expect me to lead the way. Idealists have a bad habit of getting shot at just the right time. Being a martyr isn't my style.

#2 What is your favorite extinct animal? from Anonymous

That's a very very easy question: The Motherfucking Megatherium!

The megatherium was a gigantic ground sloth the size of an elephant that lived roughly 5 million years ago. It was one of the largest land mammals to ever walk the earth. It is not very similar to its currently living relative, the three-toed sloth.

Growing up most kids have a phase where they are obsessed with dinosaurs. They can usually rattle off the names of dozens of dinos and tell you the subtle differences between types of raptors and why pterodactyls and plesiosaurs aren't really dinosaurs. But not me. I was more interested in the megafauna of the Pleistocene era like megatherium, moas, saber-tooth cats, Giant Beavers, and Glyptodonts. I find giant versions of animals similar to current species more interesting then really big lizards that died a long time ago.

So there you go. That is how FormSpring.me works, I guess. If you would like to ask me some dumb questions then go sign up and then click on my profile. If you ask something interesting I'll try to answer it here.

Happiness: It's All in Your Head

2010-02-14T02:44:00.003-05:00

Here's a little graphic I threw together awhile back when Professor Cramulus asked for some marginalia for Intermittens. I don't remember if it ever got used, so I might as well post it here.

I feel that it sums up my feelings on the mind-body problem that has been bothered philosophers and other wankers for the last two thousand years. Your brain IS your mind. Yes, this means that happiness, sadness, love, hate, jealousy and disgust are all in your head. They are the result of the interactions between chemicals and electricity in your brain. These connections make up who you are and how you react to the world. However, that doesn't make your emotions any less real. Many times, these emotions are the only real thing we have. Don't let that freak you out too much.