ChaoSkeptic

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #032 "White, Discussion" by Live

If you are a fan of the Skeptic's Guide to the Universe podcast you probably have already heard this week's interview with James Randi and Banachek. Here's the video they were discussing of Randi debunking faith healer Peter Popoff from way back in the 80s. It was pretty ingenious how Randi, Banachek and Alec Jason were able to use some high tech gadgetry to figure out that Peter's wife was using radio communication system to feed him information in the 39.17 MHz range. The debunking caused Popoff to go bankrupt in 1987 but of course it didn't finish him for good. He's still making hundreds of thousands of dollars "healing" people and selling water that is supposedly from the Dead Sea. As Randi says, Popoff is an unsinkable rubber duck and he is very good at tricking desperate sick people into giving him money.

Believe it or not, despite many similarities in style the following quote IS NOT from Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea's classic Discordian novel "The Illuminatus! Trilogy"

America, according to Frazier, LaHaye and many other leaders in the movement, is being ruled by evil, clandestine organizations that hide behind the veneer of liberal, democratic groups. These clandestine forces seek to destroy Christians. They spread their demonic, secular-humanist ideology through front groups such as the American Civil Liberties Union, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, the National Organization for Women, Planned Parenthood, the Trilateral Commission and "the major TV networks, high-profile newspapers and news magazines," the U.S. State Department, major foundations (Rockefeller, Carnegie, Ford), the United Nations, "the left wing of the Democratic Party," Harvard, Yale "and 2,000 other colleges and universities."

That quote is from the book "American Fascists" by Chris Hedges. And he is not talking about Mothers March Against Liberal Elite but Gary Frazier, head of Discovery Ministries, and Tim LaHaye, founder of the Council for National Policy and co-author of the Left Behind series which has sold over 65 million (!!!) copies.

This is what has happened to the world, people. We can't even write good parody anymore because reality has become too absurd. Poe's Law has rendered satire completely meaningless. I mean, if you were attempting to write a scathing spoof of modern right wing paranoia you wouldn't include  the Trilateral Commission and every single college in the United States. That would be too far out and no one would believe it. But modern conservative Christian leaders just blow right past that point without batting an eye. And somehow these people have political power. Welcome to the 21st century!

Phil Plait has finally revealed his sooper secret project that he has been working on for the last year or so. Discovery Channel gave him his own show called Bad Universe. From the preview it looks like a cross between MythBusters, How the Earth was Made and the History Channel special "Seven Signs of the Apocalypse". Looks like a lot of fun.

T̩̤̥̝̹͓̱͑̿o͓̦̰͑́̿̀̃͑̀̓ ̙̦͌̌̃ͅi͔͈̅̉͋͆̚n̼̥̦͛ͭ̅͒̋͆ͥ̾v͖̘͌̈́̈ͥo̥͓͈̐ͤ̒̉̔̽̓k͚̠̙̟̹̜̍̄̏e̩̩̓ͣ̒̍ͤ́̇̈́ ͙͎̗̦̜͈͍̞̯͒͒ͪt̼͇̜͛̉ͨ̀h̩̞̞̳̝̘̙̍̓͂̃̇ͤ̿̚ḛ͋ͤ̋ ̪̪͎̞͚̩́̇̔h͇̻̳͖͍̙͉͌ͫͪ̋̍ͤ͌̋͂i͕̲̞̬ͪṽ͕̦͚̜̺ͨȅ̬̩̬͔͐-̥͔̳ͮ͒ͧ̒̓m̠̮̙̤̯̝̤̿̐̈́̀ͫ̅́̋͌ͅi̩̫̹͍̬̻̤̙͗͋̂n̮̫͚ͥ́̓͋̏͗d̫̦̖̗̎̃ͦ̈͗ͯͬ̑̈ ̩̝̞̃̌̈́ͤͧ̌͊̔r͓͚̥̞̠̟͉͈͂̆͑̓̂e̪̫̜͓̻̩̟̣͋ͅp͈͖̮̱͔̝ͨ̈́͌r̬̪̟͖ͤ̍͂ͧ̽̚ẽ͓̯̟̖̻ͤ̿̂ṣ͚̆ĕ̱̮̻̱͖̥ͮ̃͗ǹ̪̙̬̙̄̍̔̂̀͌t̳͈͎̣̙̟͉ͬ̂ͤ̂ͣͣi͎̘̜̠̓ͮ͒ͯ͂ͭ͌ͬn̠̯̅̅̀ͮġ̗̼̺̖̮͎̉̏̀̋ ͙̖̗̑ͬ̃̐ͅc̻̮̜̪͆ͦ̌͆̾h͖̟̎̾̍̏ạ͔͙͇̱͖̓ͭ́͛͆͒ͭo̞̻̳̥̗͑ͦś̺͖͙̤̖̩̠̯̌͊̚.͙͙̦̥͖͙ͪ̋̅͒͋͌
̪̰͖͍͔͇͐̆̈́I̼̳͇̩͈̮̋ͯͨ͂͒ͥ̚n̦̩̭̝͉̪͋ͩv͓̦͙̮̯̜̦ͤ͐̽ͅo̳̳̰͒ͧ̎k̖̪͕̭͙͙̯̜͂̌ͬͫ͋͂̒̊̑ͅì̯͓̞̱̗̟ͯ̋̾̓̈́̋̓n͎̪͚͗ͨ͋ͪ͂̏̃g̪̫͊ ̰̥̞̿̑̅́̈́t͔̜͉̲ͥ͋ͭ͑̐̅̆͂h̓́ͅẻ͍̹̙̫͎̳͈̜ͯ̿ ͚͚̺̙̻͎̻͓͇̐̇̊̈̒f̯̦̍̔̄́̌ͤ̄̃e̺͉͎̠̞ͫ͒ͭ͌͗̚e͕̓̽̇̈̚l̳͔̫͖͕ͫ̊ͧ̽ͫͬi̜̘͉̩̝͉͚̰͕ͨ̾n̳̪͓͔̼̖̳̰͂ͦ̆̒̈́̚g̱̬̥̳̼̽̓͛ͨ͊̽̍̍̇ͅ ̝̳͇̾ͭ̌̈́o͚͉͔̣̊̒̄̄ͤ̑f̥͙ͬ̋ͧ̔ͫ͂ͩ ̝͚̟̼̾̑c̜̲̳̣̜̥̓ͨ̊̊͒̚h̜̪͕̫̰ͫ̈̋ͦ͒a̟͔͔͍̞ͪ̔o̜̱͙̲̟͍͉̳ͬ̀ͭ̂̈́ͭs̳͓̘͍̥̻̗ͦ͐̇͐̔.̟͕̙̝̠̩̈̍
̮̤͉̝̏͑Ẇ̗̝̙̦͙̫̺ͨ̆ͪ͒͊̊i͖̻̼̭̲͓̔͌ͯ̚t̬̥̩̖̳͊ͭͨh͉̣̳̠̻̞͚̠͊̽̅ͩ̎͐̾ͯ ̯̲̭͚̪͙̽̇̈́̄͋̌͑͌o̙̙͖͕̥͍͗ͤͣͯ̍ͯ̈́u͍͉͊͐͊ͦ̂ͦ̈́̓ͅt̻̖͔̗̜͚̟̤̓̔ͅ ̼͔̻̤͔̋ő̫̝̱̺̬͍̼͔̆̿͒r̤͚̉d̙̲̫̺͎̫͍̉̐ͦe̘͕͖͖͖̰̩͇̓ͥͤͅr̙̪̳̫̪̔̌̏̈̎͂̈́ͅ.̤̰͉̜̎ͩ͐ͥ
̘͍̼̽͒́̂͒̓͊̚T̙͈̠̬̝͇̖̄ͤ͒ͩ͛̋h̟̆͑̌ͤ̊̚è̯̗̹̙͚̞͑ͮ̅̄ͮ̀̀̚ ̪͈̦͕͇̹̗̯̇̏͂̈́̿N̻̭͔͚̈́͛͆̒̉̿e̮ͭͯ̐ͭ̅̾̎͗ẑ̫̝̳̹̯̏ͯ͗́̈́ṗ̲̼̬̲̜͒͛̑é̖̲͂ͥ͌̉͂̾r͈̤͈͎͚ͥ̋̓̌̔́d̫̮͎͍̮̫̫̄̽i͍̤̦̳̾̈́̀ͧ̎ǎ͚͖̻̱̪͓̭̝̦ͤͣ̎̅ṉ̭̬̳͕͙̹ͮ͛̇ͅ ̫͍͈̼̘͆͂ḣ̩͔̜̙͓̙͉ͥ̂̏͛̉i̘̠̤̘̬ͬ͊͆͂ͯ̓ͦv͙̱̰̄̓ë̼̬͓͍́͋͂-͉̘ͯͦͧm̮̞̳ͯ̊͊͋̈ͅỉ̩͈̳͈͚ͪ̉n͕̗̤̲͔̹̄ͪ̈́͗ͬ̊d͚͔̠̦̥͓͚͈̾̃͌ͦ̿ ̲̱̋ͤ͛̇ͧͅo̜͓͈͙̼ͬͤͮ̔ͯ̾ͫͤf̪͕̜͚̃̎̉ͮ̈ ̫͉̟ͦc͚̖̣̭͕͉̲͔̄̃̃̊h̝̦͖ͭͯͭ̓͋̔͊ͅa̟̣̣̺̠͎͔̔͛ọ̻ͫ̽ͮ̅͗s̳͕̥̀ͭ̄͗ͅ.̪̫̞̝͇̗̲̐ ̺̖̠͂ͭͬͦZ̭ͧ̋͌ͩ̀ấ̪̼̥͚̺̗̭̂̄ͦ͋ͫl̺̩̗̻̟̪̭ͪ̋̊̋ͨ̅̄g̠̘̩̳̩̔ȍ͔̙̾̇̂.͈̺̠̪̺̺͚̬ͣ̆ͩ̑̚ͅ ̼͙͇͇̬̱̥͚̘ͧ̽ͬ̄ͭ͊
͎̰̤̞̂̓̄̑ͯͅH͈̼ͧ̆̆ͮͩe̯̩̪ͯ͛̓̈́͆́ͮ͗ ̫͙͉͖͔̝̪ͬ̃̎̏ͧͬ͌ͨͅw̻̱̟̮̌ͣ̔̿͒̂͒̒h̳͚͗o͚̼̙̝̲̲̠͇̜͛ ̯̩͈͈̱̝̺̠̏̏ͥ̓̽̈́̉̉W̬̄ͮͭͥͩa͚̬̜̽̓i̭͈̬̘͔̠̳͓ͦ̈́̃̈́ͪ̚t͙̞̤̏ͬ͆ͮͣ̀ͤ̅s͈͕̖̳͗ ̳̳͈̞̦̼͂̏͐ͅB̠̯ͭ͌̊̒̎ͣ̈̽e͎̼͖̤̳̝̦ͪ͐͂ͧ̿h̥͖̹͈̩̮̦ͪ̅͆i̝̳̫̱͎̐̽ͭ̒̋n̖̹͎͕͚̘̈̋̅̐̓͒́̈́d͇̗̯̭͈͓̱͚ͧ̒ͩ͗̇ͣ́ ̫̟͈̼̞̖̇ͨ̈͊̉ͣͅT̝͍͔̈ͭ̈́ͯȟ̻͕̫̗̖ͮ͋̆ͯ̃̾̚ḙ̗̹ͫ͂͑̓ ̝̟ͣ̍W͚͚̣̟̙̳͎͇̤͋ͣͮ̾͛͌a̞̰̮̪͍̠̝͈̐̂̏̐̾̋͂̈́̊l̞͚͙̞̬͓̦ͭ̀͌͛̚l̹̟̮̯̩̺͙̗ͪ̔͐ͩ.͖̘̦͈̘̋̊̅
̱̦̇̌̄ͧZ͈̖̯̖͛ͪ͆͐ͭ̐ͅA̼̰̰͉̝͍͚̬̼̎ͯ͂̅̊̔ͣL̗̻̮̱̱̐͊G̞̺ͫ̔ͤ͑͆O̼̻̪͒̒̑!͍̟̪̝͉̫̦̞ͨ̇͆̒ͮ
Om Nom Nomicon July 2010

I finally found a TED Talk that I've been searching for for months. It's the 2007 talk of linguist Steven Pinker about the myth of violence in modern society. In it he shows that despite the large scale wars of the last 100 years the actual rate of violence has gone down considerably especially in the areas of murder and capital punishment. The death rate from wars has also plummeted since the end of World War II. He doesn't mention it in this talk but the rates for assault, burglary, and rape have also been in decline since the 1960s.

It's an interesting debunking of the religious (and sometimes secular) myth that the world is constantly spiraling down the drain. Our moral code has been steadily making progress despite all the complaints that we are the worst generation headed on a bullet train to Hades. We've managed to get this far thanks to improved education and effective deterrents.

I don't think we will ever get to the point where violence will be completely eliminated (it's too much a part of human nature) but we should endeavor to push that number as low as we can without also giving up our freedoms. Strife will always be with us, but we are civilized and creative enough to find non-violent solutions for our problems.

I was unable to attend the Amazing Meeting yet again this year. I am constantly cursed with the worst work schedule in the world. However, I did psychically send a spy to check out all of the scienctastic skeptics that attended and this spy has brought back some amazing information. Without further ado, here are some Super Secret about your favorite Skeptics:

• Little known outside of Australia, but Richard Saunders was one of the original Wiggles. He was fired after a very unfortunate accident with the Big Red Car. However he was able to use his contacts inside the industry to get Dr. Rachel Dunlop a job as the voice of Dirtgirl.
• Everyone's favorite Skepchick Rebecca Watson was slated for the starring role in the upcoming Wonder Woman movie but lost out because she was unable to do her own stunts.
• George Hrab was not in attendance at TAM but I discovered from another source that Geo was, in fact, born wearing a suit. Scientists are still baffled how he was able to tie a 4-in-Hand knot with such small fingers.
• Jo Benhamu's name has been used as a chant in Buddhist temples for decades.
• It has finally been revealed that Phil Plait and Richard Wiseman are the exact same person. Any picture showing them as two separate people is an optical illusion produced by a very very large mirror.
• Skeptical Rogue Bob Novella revealed to all that he is Team Jacob while brother Jay is Team Edward. Brother Steve, Team Van Hellsing.
• The ghost of Martin Gardner made a very brief appearance to confirm that the afterlife exists, but before they let you into have you have to explain Curry's Paradox in detail.
• Hemant Mehta, not exactly "friendly". More of a "generally cordial".
• Richard Dawkins admitted that he really does believe in God, he just does the atheist shtick for all the ladies.
• During some late night hot tubbing it was discovered that Michael Shermer wears a pair of bicycling shorts AT ALL TIMES. 
• Now that her career at Purdue is over, Jennifer McCreight of Blag Hag can finally admit that she was more of an IU fan all along.
• DJ Groethe, not a real disc jockey.
• PZ Myers was also not in attendance but photographic evidence has confirmed that he currently has a school of zebrafish living in his beard.
• And finally, in a shocking turn of events James Randi admitted that he is a half-elf sorcerer who has been using magic spells during Million Dollar Challenges in order to make woo-meisters look foolish.

I've noticed over the years in debates that Christians often say that they don't like atheism and evolution because it allows people to live however they want to live. This then raises the question: Does this mean that Christians don't live how they want to live?
Do they not want to be Christians? Are there things they would want to do differently if you could stop being a Christian? Would they sin more if they didn't have the guilt hanging over your head? I have actually heard certain Christians say that if they didn't believe in God then they would go out cheating and stealing, raping and pillaging. (It's probably best that those sociopaths stay Christian if that is the only dam holding them back.)

Maybe there is some undercurrent among Christians that they feel that they must deny themselves of earthly pleasure in order to be more godly. That typically means not enjoying alcohol and pretending that they don't like having sex. That's always seemed backwards to me though. If God created (or allowed to exist) all of these magnificent things around us then why shouldn't we enjoy them to the fullest? I say "Eat, Drink, and Be Merry for tomorrow Jesus may come back and ruin the party."

Heinlein's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

IO's Razor: Never attribute to intelligence that which is adequately explained by sheer dumb luck.

Since the very first days of Discordianism we have always revered the most absurd of characters and raised them up to saintly status. Of course the archetype is Joshua Norton, the First Emperor of these United States and Protector of Mexico. It has come to my attention though that there is another early American that should be revered as highly as Emperor Norton.

His name is Lord Timothy Dexter. Wikipedia immortalizes him thusly:

Timothy Dexter was born in Malden, Massachusetts. He had no schooling to speak of and was working as a farm laborer at the age of 8. When he was 16, he became an apprentice to a leather-dresser.

In 1769 he moved to Newburyport, Massachusetts and began his trade. He was successful enough to attract a wife, a rich widow Elizabeth Frothingham, and buy a big house. He was considered a lackwit by his social contemporaries, and they gave him bad business advice in order to discredit him and make him lose his fortune.

At the end of the American Revolutionary War he bought large amounts of depreciated Continental currency that was worthless at the time. When trade connections resumed, he had amassed a fortune. He built two ships and began an export business to the West Indies and to Europe.

Because he was basically uneducated, his business sense was peculiar but extremely lucky. Somebody inspired him to send warming pans for sale to West Indies, a tropical area. His captain sold them as ladles for local molasses industry and made a good profit. Next Dexter sent wool mittens to the same place. Asian merchants bought them for export to Siberia.

His next venture was selling coal to Newcastle, which should have been a sure failure. His ships happened to arrive in the time of a coal miner's strike and potential customers were actually desperate.

He exported bibles to East Indies and stray cats to Caribbean islands and again made a profit. He also hoarded whalebone by mistake, but ended up selling them profitably as a support material for corsets.

At the age of 50 he decided to write a book about himself - A Pickle for the Knowing Ones or Plain Truth in a Homespun Dress. He wrote about himself and complained about politicians, clergy and his wife. The book contained 8,847 words and 33,864 letters, but absolutely no punctuation, and capital letters were sprinkled about at random. At first he handed his book out for free, but it rapidly became popular and ran into eight editions in total.[citation needed] When people complained that it was hard to read, for the second edition he added an extra page - 13 lines of punctuation marks - asking readers to "peper and solt it as they plese".

One day he began to wonder what people would say about him after he died. He proceeded to announce his death and to prepare for a burial. About 3,000 people appeared for the wake. However, Dexter's wife refused to cry for his passing, for which he later caned her, and so he decided not to appear to his guests at all. Timothy Dexter actually died in 1806.

St. Timothy truly was the luckiest bastard to ever grace this earth. He couldn't fail even if he tried. He was the living embodiment of Born Lucky. He is the type of character that, if he hadn't existed in real life then an author such as O. Henry or Washington Irving would have had to invent him. If you would like to see some of Lord Timothy's writings you can find his “A PICKLE FOR THE KNOWING ONES; or Plain Truths in a Homespun Dress” online. Don't try to understand it, just let the words roll off of your mind.

In a way, Mr. Dexter shows that fate can be a very fickle thing. Lady Luck sometimes plays favorites. In this case she took an uneducated man who could barely write and knew almost nothing of business and made him one of the richest men in post-colonial New England. He used up so much good luck in one lifetime that you'd swear that he had a rabbit's foot constantly shoved up his arse. He is truly an inspiration to us all.

So, by the power divested in my by the Supreme Goddess Eris I dub thee St. Timothy the Lucky Bastard.


(Tip of the papal hat to Pope Tom for bringing Lord Dexter to my attention)

Let us all rise and open our Discordian Hymnal to Page #031 "Theologians" by Wilco