I'm a Holy Man and So Can You

Posted by : Rev. Ouabache | Wednesday, October 7, 2009 | Published in

There are many paths to becoming a holy man in this lifetime. The so called traditional route is to take six to ten years out of your life studying from other holy men, absorbing their lessons, engrossing yourself in the holy book of your forefathers, constantly meditating on the meaning of life. After many years your teacher will have to decide whether you are truly worthy to wear the holy vestments and lead a flock of your own.

Or you could be like me and get yourself ordained online. That's right, there are several organizations out there that are willing to declare you a fully ordained minister if you are willing to fill out the proper forms. I went with the Universal Life Church Monastery because who doesn't like the word "monastery"? They will ordain you for free over the internet in exchange for your legal name, e-mail, and address. (Don't worry, they do not spam you unless you ask nicely).

If you would like to make the process feel more complete you can head over to their online store to buy yourself a Bestowal of Title Certificate with your name and any religious title of your choice (including Pope!) You could be like me and get the sleek looking wallet credential card. Or, if you are feeling especially smart, you can have your own Doctor of Divinity or Doctor of Metaphysics certificates. Sure, this may cheapen those doctorates but it's not like anyone gave them much respect in the first place.

What is the point of all this, you may ask? Well, as the website says you are now free to "perform a wedding, baptism or funeral for friends and family, regardless of your spiritual or religious denomination". Of course, the wedding laws vary from state to state so make sure you do your research before hitching people together in holy matrimony. You may have to register with the county clerk before you are allowed to sign any marriage certificates. Baptisms and funerals are always fair game and are only limited by the beliefs of those being baptized and funeralized.

As an added bonus, as a ULC Minister you have the legal authority to ordain new ministers into the ministry. So make sure to deputize all of your friends and family. Feel free to ordain your pets too. (I don't think that would have any legal backing though.)

(3) Comments

  1. Br. Jacob said...

    A tip of the hat to you good friend, thank you for supporting the Universal Life Church Monastery and our ongoing mission to promote complete religious tolerance and freedom for all individuals. Stay in touch.

    www.TheMonastery.org

    ULC Staff
    Seattle, WA

    Additional Resources:

    http://universallifechurchministers.org/
    http://www.ulccaselaw.com/

    October 7, 2009 at 4:05 PM
  2. Jeremiah said...

    Hi there, nice post I found it very informative. Seems there is a typo though, shouldn't the following NOT be removed from this sentence? "as the website says you are NOT free to perform a wedding..."

    October 7, 2009 at 5:43 PM
  3. Rev. Ouabache said...

    I think I originally meant to write "now" instead of "not". Strangely enough I had the exact same problem in reverse several months ago. I forgot to add the word "not" into a sentence making it the opposite of what I originally intended. I really should do a better job at proof-readings. Thanks for the help, Jeremiah.

    October 7, 2009 at 6:20 PM

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