TO PERFORM THE TURKEY CURSE:So get out there tomorrow and gorge yourself on the World's Stupidest Bird, pretend that you enjoy your family, yell at the Detroit Lions for being so horrible, and find something to be thankful for!
Take a foot stance as if you were John L. Sullivan preparing for fisticuffs. Face the particular greyfaced you wish to short-circuit, or towards the direction of the negative aneristic vibration that you wish to neutralize. Begin waving your arms in any elaborate manner and make motions with your hands as though you were Mandrake feeling up a sexy giantess. Chant, loudly and clearly:
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
The results will be instantly apparent.
For Americans tomorrow is Thanksgiving, aka Let's Be Nice to the Injuns While They Give Us Food and Then Stab Them in the Back Later Day. The second name is hard to fit on cards so most of us just use the first name. It is time to give thanks that you only have to see your family a couple of times a year. It is also a day long feast to stuff yourself full of turkey and all kinds of carbohydrates. Because of this, it is a great time to try out your Patented Discordian Turkey Curse on the unsuspecting public: