Rebecca Watson: Sooper Sekret Discordian

Posted by : Rev. Ouabache | Wednesday, March 24, 2010 | Published in

You all know who Rebecca Watson is, right? A#1 Skepchick,the only female Rogue on The Skeptics Guide to the Universe, married to that Sid guy. Yeah, her. In a ChaoSkeptic exclusive, I have uncovered incontrovertible evidence that Mrs. Watson-Rodriguez is secretly an Agent of Discord!

For those that are unable to watch Youtube video (or too lazy to sit through a three and a half minute long clip), long story short: some charismatic quack wrote an article in the Daily Fail saying that "molecules exposed to happy or loving environments form beautiful, symmetrical crystals, while those exposed to unpleasant influences are misshapen." Whatever that means. And to prove her point she talked nice to an apple for a week while also talking mean to another apple. Naturally the apple that had sweet nothings whispered to it was in better shape after the week is over. Wait, did I say "naturally"? I meant to say "stupidly". There is no rational reason for an apple to know or care what words you are saying to it. It doesn't even have ears ferchrissake!

Of course, every experiment needs to be repeatable in order for it to be considered scientifical so enter Rebecca Watson. She got an apple from the story, cut it into quarters, and placed three of them into jars (and ate the fourth). She is going to talk to each apple for a week to see if being kind makes them more beautiful and if being mean makes it ugly. Plus there is the control group: THE APPLE OF INDIFFERENCE. Each apple jar also go their own fake mustache, because, hey, fake mustaches are awesome.

This brings me back to my central point. Rebecca Watson playing with apples AND false mustaches at the same time! If this isn't a single to us Discordians that she is in our ranks then I don't know what is. Sure, she isn't throwing the apple at anything or snubbing anyone. And the false mustache thing is a very recent Discordian meme that has only been propagated by New England Spagland Erisians. But wait! Rebecca Watson formerly lived in the Boston area and is obviously sending a shoutout to the New Spagland Cabal! I've made all of the connections on the Glenn Beck Patented Dry-Erase Board™ in my basement. I always knew one of the Skeptics Rogues was one of us, but I just assumed that it was Evan.

(3) Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Apples are so first century (YOLD).

    March 24, 2010 at 5:36 AM
  2. Anonymous

    Erm... having a control group isn't going to help much with a sample size of one.

    March 24, 2010 at 6:36 PM
  3. Rev. Ouabache said...

    No one said that it was a RIGOROUS scientific test. And there are already complaints that the mustaches throw off the "quantum whosawhatses" that are supposed to make things more beautiful/ugly when you talk to them. You can't please everyone.

    March 24, 2010 at 8:24 PM

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