ChaoSkeptic

You are now aware that you are only breathe out of one nostril. It's bugging the hell out of you, isn't it? Every time you breathe out air only comes out one side. One of your nostrils is constantly being obstructed. There is nothing you can do about it.

In about 150 minutes you will notice that the nostril you were breathing out of is now blocked and you are breathing out of the other one. You didn't do anything to make this happen, it just happened. On it's own.

In another 150 minutes you will find that your nostrils have switched place yet again. Why does this keep happening to you? Is this normal? Is something wrong with you? Are you sick? Are you a freak of nature? Are you going to die? Should you pick your nose or try to find a Neti pot? What if unblocking your nostril makes it worse?

What are you going to do? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO????

Exactly 4 years ago, the single funniest event in our lifetime occurred.




That's right. On this day, the promoters of Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters created an all out terror panic in Boston simply by putting up some promotional Lite Brites that the police mistook for IEDs.

Wikipedia article.

What followed during the aftermath was the best press conference ever!



WE SHALL NEVER FORGOT THIS MOST SACRED OF DAYS WHEN A MAJOR AMERICAN CITY WAS SHUTDOWN BY AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR A CARTOON MOVIE!!!

Netaungrot has graced us with a new, fun PDF for use in future PosterGASM operations. Enjoy!

View on Scridb:
Here It Is

T̩̤̥̝̹͓̱͑̿o͓̦̰͑́̿̀̃͑̀̓ ̙̦͌̌̃ͅi͔͈̅̉͋͆̚n̼̥̦͛ͭ̅͒̋͆ͥ̾v͖̘͌̈́̈ͥo̥͓͈̐ͤ̒̉̔̽̓k͚̠̙̟̹̜̍̄̏e̩̩̓ͣ̒̍ͤ́̇̈́ ͙͎̗̦̜͈͍̞̯͒͒ͪt̼͇̜͛̉ͨ̀h̩̞̞̳̝̘̙̍̓͂̃̇ͤ̿̚ḛ͋ͤ̋ ̪̪͎̞͚̩́̇̔h͇̻̳͖͍̙͉͌ͫͪ̋̍ͤ͌̋͂i͕̲̞̬ͪṽ͕̦͚̜̺ͨȅ̬̩̬͔͐-̥͔̳ͮ͒ͧ̒̓m̠̮̙̤̯̝̤̿̐̈́̀ͫ̅́̋͌ͅi̩̫̹͍̬̻̤̙͗͋̂n̮̫͚ͥ́̓͋̏͗d̫̦̖̗̎̃ͦ̈͗ͯͬ̑̈ ̩̝̞̃̌̈́ͤͧ̌͊̔r͓͚̥̞̠̟͉͈͂̆͑̓̂e̪̫̜͓̻̩̟̣͋ͅp͈͖̮̱͔̝ͨ̈́͌r̬̪̟͖ͤ̍͂ͧ̽̚ẽ͓̯̟̖̻ͤ̿̂ṣ͚̆ĕ̱̮̻̱͖̥ͮ̃͗ǹ̪̙̬̙̄̍̔̂̀͌t̳͈͎̣̙̟͉ͬ̂ͤ̂ͣͣi͎̘̜̠̓ͮ͒ͯ͂ͭ͌ͬn̠̯̅̅̀ͮġ̗̼̺̖̮͎̉̏̀̋ ͙̖̗̑ͬ̃̐ͅc̻̮̜̪͆ͦ̌͆̾h͖̟̎̾̍̏ạ͔͙͇̱͖̓ͭ́͛͆͒ͭo̞̻̳̥̗͑ͦś̺͖͙̤̖̩̠̯̌͊̚.͙͙̦̥͖͙ͪ̋̅͒͋͌
̪̰͖͍͔͇͐̆̈́I̼̳͇̩͈̮̋ͯͨ͂͒ͥ̚n̦̩̭̝͉̪͋ͩv͓̦͙̮̯̜̦ͤ͐̽ͅo̳̳̰͒ͧ̎k̖̪͕̭͙͙̯̜͂̌ͬͫ͋͂̒̊̑ͅì̯͓̞̱̗̟ͯ̋̾̓̈́̋̓n͎̪͚͗ͨ͋ͪ͂̏̃g̪̫͊ ̰̥̞̿̑̅́̈́t͔̜͉̲ͥ͋ͭ͑̐̅̆͂h̓́ͅẻ͍̹̙̫͎̳͈̜ͯ̿ ͚͚̺̙̻͎̻͓͇̐̇̊̈̒f̯̦̍̔̄́̌ͤ̄̃e̺͉͎̠̞ͫ͒ͭ͌͗̚e͕̓̽̇̈̚l̳͔̫͖͕ͫ̊ͧ̽ͫͬi̜̘͉̩̝͉͚̰͕ͨ̾n̳̪͓͔̼̖̳̰͂ͦ̆̒̈́̚g̱̬̥̳̼̽̓͛ͨ͊̽̍̍̇ͅ ̝̳͇̾ͭ̌̈́o͚͉͔̣̊̒̄̄ͤ̑f̥͙ͬ̋ͧ̔ͫ͂ͩ ̝͚̟̼̾̑c̜̲̳̣̜̥̓ͨ̊̊͒̚h̜̪͕̫̰ͫ̈̋ͦ͒a̟͔͔͍̞ͪ̔o̜̱͙̲̟͍͉̳ͬ̀ͭ̂̈́ͭs̳͓̘͍̥̻̗ͦ͐̇͐̔.̟͕̙̝̠̩̈̍
̮̤͉̝̏͑Ẇ̗̝̙̦͙̫̺ͨ̆ͪ͒͊̊i͖̻̼̭̲͓̔͌ͯ̚t̬̥̩̖̳͊ͭͨh͉̣̳̠̻̞͚̠͊̽̅ͩ̎͐̾ͯ ̯̲̭͚̪͙̽̇̈́̄͋̌͑͌o̙̙͖͕̥͍͗ͤͣͯ̍ͯ̈́u͍͉͊͐͊ͦ̂ͦ̈́̓ͅt̻̖͔̗̜͚̟̤̓̔ͅ ̼͔̻̤͔̋ő̫̝̱̺̬͍̼͔̆̿͒r̤͚̉d̙̲̫̺͎̫͍̉̐ͦe̘͕͖͖͖̰̩͇̓ͥͤͅr̙̪̳̫̪̔̌̏̈̎͂̈́ͅ.̤̰͉̜̎ͩ͐ͥ
̘͍̼̽͒́̂͒̓͊̚T̙͈̠̬̝͇̖̄ͤ͒ͩ͛̋h̟̆͑̌ͤ̊̚è̯̗̹̙͚̞͑ͮ̅̄ͮ̀̀̚ ̪͈̦͕͇̹̗̯̇̏͂̈́̿N̻̭͔͚̈́͛͆̒̉̿e̮ͭͯ̐ͭ̅̾̎͗ẑ̫̝̳̹̯̏ͯ͗́̈́ṗ̲̼̬̲̜͒͛̑é̖̲͂ͥ͌̉͂̾r͈̤͈͎͚ͥ̋̓̌̔́d̫̮͎͍̮̫̫̄̽i͍̤̦̳̾̈́̀ͧ̎ǎ͚͖̻̱̪͓̭̝̦ͤͣ̎̅ṉ̭̬̳͕͙̹ͮ͛̇ͅ ̫͍͈̼̘͆͂ḣ̩͔̜̙͓̙͉ͥ̂̏͛̉i̘̠̤̘̬ͬ͊͆͂ͯ̓ͦv͙̱̰̄̓ë̼̬͓͍́͋͂-͉̘ͯͦͧm̮̞̳ͯ̊͊͋̈ͅỉ̩͈̳͈͚ͪ̉n͕̗̤̲͔̹̄ͪ̈́͗ͬ̊d͚͔̠̦̥͓͚͈̾̃͌ͦ̿ ̲̱̋ͤ͛̇ͧͅo̜͓͈͙̼ͬͤͮ̔ͯ̾ͫͤf̪͕̜͚̃̎̉ͮ̈ ̫͉̟ͦc͚̖̣̭͕͉̲͔̄̃̃̊h̝̦͖ͭͯͭ̓͋̔͊ͅa̟̣̣̺̠͎͔̔͛ọ̻ͫ̽ͮ̅͗s̳͕̥̀ͭ̄͗ͅ.̪̫̞̝͇̗̲̐ ̺̖̠͂ͭͬͦZ̭ͧ̋͌ͩ̀ấ̪̼̥͚̺̗̭̂̄ͦ͋ͫl̺̩̗̻̟̪̭ͪ̋̊̋ͨ̅̄g̠̘̩̳̩̔ȍ͔̙̾̇̂.͈̺̠̪̺̺͚̬ͣ̆ͩ̑̚ͅ ̼͙͇͇̬̱̥͚̘ͧ̽ͬ̄ͭ͊
͎̰̤̞̂̓̄̑ͯͅH͈̼ͧ̆̆ͮͩe̯̩̪ͯ͛̓̈́͆́ͮ͗ ̫͙͉͖͔̝̪ͬ̃̎̏ͧͬ͌ͨͅw̻̱̟̮̌ͣ̔̿͒̂͒̒h̳͚͗o͚̼̙̝̲̲̠͇̜͛ ̯̩͈͈̱̝̺̠̏̏ͥ̓̽̈́̉̉W̬̄ͮͭͥͩa͚̬̜̽̓i̭͈̬̘͔̠̳͓ͦ̈́̃̈́ͪ̚t͙̞̤̏ͬ͆ͮͣ̀ͤ̅s͈͕̖̳͗ ̳̳͈̞̦̼͂̏͐ͅB̠̯ͭ͌̊̒̎ͣ̈̽e͎̼͖̤̳̝̦ͪ͐͂ͧ̿h̥͖̹͈̩̮̦ͪ̅͆i̝̳̫̱͎̐̽ͭ̒̋n̖̹͎͕͚̘̈̋̅̐̓͒́̈́d͇̗̯̭͈͓̱͚ͧ̒ͩ͗̇ͣ́ ̫̟͈̼̞̖̇ͨ̈͊̉ͣͅT̝͍͔̈ͭ̈́ͯȟ̻͕̫̗̖ͮ͋̆ͯ̃̾̚ḙ̗̹ͫ͂͑̓ ̝̟ͣ̍W͚͚̣̟̙̳͎͇̤͋ͣͮ̾͛͌a̞̰̮̪͍̠̝͈̐̂̏̐̾̋͂̈́̊l̞͚͙̞̬͓̦ͭ̀͌͛̚l̹̟̮̯̩̺͙̗ͪ̔͐ͩ.͖̘̦͈̘̋̊̅
̱̦̇̌̄ͧZ͈̖̯̖͛ͪ͆͐ͭ̐ͅA̼̰̰͉̝͍͚̬̼̎ͯ͂̅̊̔ͣL̗̻̮̱̱̐͊G̞̺ͫ̔ͤ͑͆O̼̻̪͒̒̑!͍̟̪̝͉̫̦̞ͨ̇͆̒ͮ
Om Nom Nomicon July 2010

=========================DO NOT MODIFY THIS TEXT=============================


Do you know who in 1923 was:



1. President of the largest steel company?

2. President of the largest gas company?

3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

4. Greatest wheat speculator?

5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?

6. Great Bear of Wall Street?



These men should have been considered some of the world's most sucessful men.

At least they found the secret of making money. Now more than 46 years later,

do you know what has become of these men?



1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.

2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is insane.

3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from prison

to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, t.

5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide.



The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship,

Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. Today he is still

playing golf and is solvent.



CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START WORRYING ABOUT THE

ILLUMINATI



===========================KEEP THIS LETTER==================================

This letter originated in Sweden the home of the Illuminati, has been passed

around the world at least 23 times, bringing discord to everyone who passed it

on. Do not pass this letter around. Print it out and leave it randomly on

random objects in random places. Finally, bury a copy of this in a glass jar

in your back yard with $0.01c of american currency. We will contact you within

5 days at this point.



=======================DO NOT KEEP THIS LETTER===============================

Print out at least 23 copies of this letter and leave it everywhere. Staple it

to poles in the dead of the night, put it under windshield wipers in parking

lots, stack it in free newspaper dispensers, give it away! Introduce your

neighbors to chaos! Everyone who hands out at least 23 copies of this letter

will be smiled upon by Eris and is officially immune to the Illuminati. The

more copies you send out, the more immune you are! Imagine finding money on

the streets! Get Free Food! Get Gorgeous Babes and/or Handsome Men!* Win the

Lottery! Stop wars in foreign countries! Confuse the hell out of first, second

and third souled beings! Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia! Anagram this phrase!



Et In Arcadia Ego...*



=============================KEEP THIS LETTER================================

It will change your life! Bring the four angels to your aid with this letter!

Do it for the Widow's Son! Do what thou will. Remember, Bill Shakespear's

birthday is 4/23, and thats the same day as Discordian Day! Especially if it

falls on a Friday! Eat a hot dog on a bun For eris! NOw foR something

completely Different. Praise Bob, for he is Eris' brother! Did you know that

Joeseph was a Freemason? George Washington was actually Adam Weishaupt?

Jesus didnt die on the cross? Read the Nag Hammadi Manuscripts! Bring back

the Knights Templar! Achieve Gnosis! Get a really good fuck. Answer these

questions for yourself...*

1. Who was Adam the son of?

2. Does God have an opposite?

3. How many sons of God are there?

4. Are the sons of God also Gods?

5. Are any sons of God less than others?

6. What is the goal of prophets and teachers?

7. How many minds are there?

8. What is a human being?

9. Is mankind finished or in process?

10. How much can we and should we attempt?

11. What is the purpose of consciousness?

12. What is the next step?



=============================BURN THIS LETTER===============================

This is Sirius business.

AAAOOOOZORAZZAZZAIEOAZAEIIIOZAKHOEOOOYTHOEAZAEAOOZAKHOZAKHEYTHXAALETHYKH

If you see the mad fishmonger, give him my regards.

IO PAN IO PAN PAN IO PANGENITOR IO PANPHAGE!

Schrodinger's cat and Wigner's friend

Cause us problems without end



The cat is both alive and dead

In math that's in our head



And the regression of Von Neumann

Never ceases to annoy Man



The uncertainty just has no end

Until Wigner goes to tell his friend



For, until the friend receives the news

That the cat still purrs and mews



The cat remains (suspended Fate!)

In some formal Eignstate



But if Wigner makes a beeline

To report the now-dead feline



All the friend can really know

Is just one branch of time's swift flow



For in Carter's multispace

Every time-brance has its place



So the cat remains alive

In the half cases (That's .5)



Lead us not to Copenhagen

Nor to Shylock, nor to Fagin



"The result's not parsimonious!"

Yet I find it quite harmonious

===============================EAT THIS LETTER================================

^L^L^L

* What? Sexual preferance? How Droll.

^L

* Its in Latin and so is the answer.

^L

* Check these references for insight..

1) Luke 3:38

2) Exodus 3:14, Ephesians 4:4-6

3) Romans 8:14-17

4) John 10:34

5) Colossians 3:4

6) Ephesians 4:11-13

7) Deuteronomy 4:39, Exodus 3:14

8) Genesis 1:26

9) John 3:2

10) John 14:12

11) Corinthians 9:8, Luke 12:32

12) Romans 8:19

p.s. Don't believe anything you read.



begin 600 whoami

5;F5P=7)K8F5P=F9G0'=H="YJ F4*

`

end



=============================MODIFY THIS TEXT==================================

h/t to Telarus who discovered this at Totse.com

Sorry that I haven't posted much lately. I had a very hectic week. I am currently frantically trying to move all of my earthly possessions out of one apartment to another slightly bigger one exactly 2 blocks to the west. This is all to prepare for another addition to my family that will arrive around the middle of August. I don't think I've mentioned that here before. It's going to be a boy. Feel free to offer name suggestions in the comments.

On top of that I won't be able to post much next week either because I will be without internet access for three or four days. I can already feel the withdrawal symptoms kicking in. Ironically (or not) time away from the internet usually gets me motivated. Maybe I'll actually do some writing. I've got at least 2 posts in my head that need to come out.

Anyways, in order to tide you over here is a new video just released by the wonderful George Hrab covering Yes's "Owner of a Lonely Heart".



Personally, I think that it's a tad below his cover of "And You and I" from his Hall of Fame Geologic Podcast episode #36 but I still love it for being a VideoSong in the style of Pomplamoose.

For his next video I request, nay! demand Yes's "Heart of the Sunrise". Sure there's not much demand for ten and a half minute long progrock songs and it has one of the most complex rhythm parts in the history of contemporary rock music but who doesn't love a challenge? Barring that I want to see him to do either Lady Gaga's "Telephone" in the country-western/bluegrass style or Camera Obscura's twee-pop hit "Lloyd, I'm Ready to Be Heartbroken". Mainly because I can't go those damn songs out of my head lately. If he can't do those then I have two words: Cuddlecore. Don't make me use the infamous non-existent sex tape as black mail, Hrab!

As I've mentioned before, Discordianism is an unwieldy concept to try to explain to someone. Just like any other religion/school of philosophy it can't be summed up in fifty words or less. What we can do though is treat it like a massive memeplex with many subcategories beneath it. Sort of deconstruct it by connecting all of the smaller memes that it touches. I don't expect this to ever be a complete list; that would be impossible. However, I do plan to update it as needed and I'm definitely asking for suggestions since I know that I have not come in contact with all the different forms of Discordianism that is out there and there are a lot of things I know I will have forgotten. Expect this post to change several times.

Eris
Chaos
Discord
Strife
Original Snub
Golden apple
Greek mythology
Hot dog buns
Erisian calendar

Fnord
Conspiracy theories
JFK/Oswald/Kerry Thornley
Bureaucracy
Illuminati
Propaganda
Pentagon
Law of Fives
Pineal gland

Black Iron Prison
Militant Subjectivism
Iron bars
Shrapnel
Spag
Think for Yourself, Schmuck!
Eristic/Aneristic Illusions/Principles
Imposition of Order = Escalation of Chaos
Aftermath

Taoism in a clown suit
Zen koans
Sacred Chao
Catma
Five tons of flax
Creation/Destruction
Nonsense as salvation
Everyone is Jesus in Discordia
Starbuck's Pebbles
Hung Mung
Mu!

Chaos Magick
Paganism
Popes/Momes
Turkey curse
Curse of Greyface
Cabbages
Sigil
Bugs Bunny
KLF
Operation Mindfuck
GASM
Memebombs
Fake mustaches

Ok, now that I have your attention... Hopefully you've been following the craziness over at Jen McCreight's Blag Hag. If not, here is a quick rundown. Last week a crazed Iranian cleric made the mistake of making a supernatural claim that could be tested. He said, "Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes." That's right, cleavage causes earthquakes. Well, he didn't mean the cleavage that occurs between rock formations but the cleavage in a woman's bossom. (Sidenote: The term penetrative cleavage proves that all geologists are massive pervs). Jen, being the science minded person that she is, decided to put it to the test:

Sedighi claims that not dressing modestly causes earthquakes. If so, we should be able to test this claim scientifically. You all remember the homeopathy overdose?

Time for a Boobquake.

On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own. Yes, the one usually reserved for a night on the town. I encourage other female skeptics to join me and embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts. Or short shorts, if that's your preferred form of immodesty. With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake. If not, I'm sure Sedighi can come up with a rational explanation for why the ground didn't rumble. And if we really get through to him, maybe it'll be one involving plate tectonics.

So, who's with me? I may be a D cup, but that will probably only produce a slight tremor on its own. If you'll be joining me on twitter, use the tag #boobquake! Or join the facebook event!

Since then tremors have passed through the internet. Going through my Google Reader I see that it has been mentioned by Skepchick, Pharyngula, Unreasonable Faith, Friendly Atheist, and ERV. She's already been covered by Rev. Barry Lynn, CNN, Mashable, the Washington Post, the Chicago Sun Times, and even the New Zealand Herald. On top of that she has a completely full schedule of interviews set up during the event tomorrow (including every single Indiana based news station).

Jen has managed to set forth a skeptical quake that has reached around the globe several times over. How the hell did she do it? No one really knows. Hemant over at Friendly Atheist has several ideas as to why (pithy name, good time line, humor, youth, BOOBS!) but in the long run no one really knows why these things happen. The media is so fickle that you never know what pick up its attention. As skeptics we have to just keep hammering away until something clicks. And when your name is called all you can do is ride that dragon out until the bitter end.

And showing a bit of cleavage along the way probably doesn't hurt either.

(Make sure to follow Jen on Twitter and watch the hashtag #boobquake for updates during the day)

Looks like I've spaced out because I completely missed the ninth issue of Intermittens being published a week and a half ago. This issue, which was edited by Peleus/Yatto, may be the scariest ever since it focuses on Phobia. It is to be avoided if you have an irrational fear of spiders, mittens, jabberwockies, Z҉A҉L҉G҉O̚̕̚ , and free thinking. There's some great stuff in this one from Professor Cramulus, the Late Great Reverend Roger, and Guy Incognito.

As always, it is available on Scribd. For some reason it hasn't been posted on the Intermittens site yet. I'm sure that will be fixed shortly.


Intermittens Nine

Yes, today is the silliest of all holidays, April Fools Day. Most Discordians view this day much like alcoholics view New Year's Eve: it's a day for the amateurs to come out of the woodwork and fail miserably at something we spend 365 perfecting. However, I'm an old softy and still have a laugh at their attempts whether it's Google changing their name to Topeka, Greta Christina's itinerary for the next big atheist convention, the Blag Hag pretending to have a crisis of faith or even Ricky Martin pretending to come out of the closet.

However I won't insult your intelligence by putting up some lame attempt at a practical joke or satire. That's what Facebook and Twitter are for. I would like to brag that I got eight different people (including a fictional character) to wish me happy birthday on Facebook and countless people to click on the new George Hrab sex tape on Twitter. Yes, these are cheap thrills but I must not let my followers/friends down. But you, my blog friends are prank connoisseur. That's why you get something from the vault, aged like a fine wine. Here's the classic segment originally aired by the BBC way back in 1957 about the Swiss Spaghetti Harvest.




If you get anybody good with an April Fool's prank leave a little something in the comment section.

If you are one of the half dozen long time readers that I still have left then you will no doubt remember my ground breaking post on the OSS Simple Sabotage Manual from last year. According to StatCounter it is the most popular post that I have ever written and still gets hits via Google every couple of days. (My post on The Book of Dirty Tricks, not so much.)

Since everyone in the audience loved the sabotage post so much I decided to share another little gem with the class. While browsing through Scribd recently it suggested a short pamphlet entitled "Sabotage: The Conscious Withdrawl of the Workers' Industrial Efficiency" by Elizabeth Gurley Flynn. Flynn was a labor leader for the International Workers of the World and feminist who helped found the ACLU. (And later in life, chairwoman of the United States Communist Party.) As you can imagine, she was full of spunk and probably accused of being uppity many times.

In 1916 she wrote "Sabotage" after being arrested during the Paterson, NJ silk strike. In it, she showed how sabotage can be used as an effective protest strategy instead of, or in conjunction with, workers' strikes:

The strike is the open battle of the class struggle, sabotage is the guerrilla warfare, the day-by-day warfare between two opposing classes.

I happen to like her definition of sabotage:

Sabotage means primarily: the withdrawal of efficiency. Sabotage means either to slacken up and interfere with the quantity, or to botch in your skill and interfere with the quality, of capitalist production or to give poor service. Sabotage is not physical violence, sabotage is an internal, industrial process. It is something that is fought out within the four walls of the shop. And these three forms of sabotage -- to affect the quality, the quantity and the service are aimed at affecting the profit of the employer. Sabotage is a means of striking at the employer's profit for the purpose of forcing him into granting certain conditions, even as workingmen strike for the same purpose of coercing him. It is simply another form of coercion.

She then goes on to give examples of how to effectively use sabotage to your advantage including "an unfair day's work for an unfair day's wage", interfering with the quality/durability/utility of the product, being brutally honest with the customer you are providing service to, and one of my personal favorites, "Work-to-Rule".

Reading through this gives you a real feel for how bad class struggles were even in the early 1900s. It's hard to imagine a day when workers had to fight for not only decent wages and benefits but also adequate sanitation, ventilation and even lighting. Say what you want about the sometimes bloated union organizations of today but a hundred years ago they were still very much needed for the health and well being of the everyday worker. If you work in a safe work environment with good pay and a 40 hour work week, then you have people like Elizabeth Gurley Flynn to thank. If you don't, then...

I am not going to attempt to justify sabotage on any moral ground. If the workers consider that sabotage is necessary, that in itself makes sabotage moral.

You can read "Sabotage" on Scribd, on IWW's website, or even listen to the audio version on Librivox.

Sabotage

(As always, ChaoSkeptic does not explicitly endorse the use of sabotage in everyday situation. If legal troubles should arise due to the use of techniques from this or any other work posted on ChaoSkeptic then you are on your own, Mister)

Mark Twain has long been considered one of the greatest of the Discordian saints. His biting wit has charmed readers for over 120 years and his always skeptical mind makes him one of the most famous atheists the United States has ever seen. Little known until now, Twain did actually feature the goddess Eris in one of his final pieces of work. Here is a sample chapter recently unearthed from the final notebook of Mark Twain:



It was wonderful, the mastery Eris had over time and distance. For her they did not exist. She called them human inventions, and said they were artificialities. We often went to the most distant parts of the globe with her, and stayed weeks and months, and yet were gone only a fraction of a second, as a rule. You could prove it by the clock. One day when our people were in such awful distress because the witch commission were afraid to proceed against the astrologer and Father Peter's household, or against any, indeed, but the poor and the friendless, they lost patience and took to witch-hunting on their own score, and began to chase a born lady who was known to have the habit of curing people by devilish arts, such as bathing them, washing them, and nourishing them instead of bleeding them and purging them through the ministrations of a barber-surgeon in the proper way. She came flying down, with the howling and cursing mob after her, and tried to take refuge in houses, but the doors were shut in her face. They chased her more than half an hour, we following to see it, and at last she was exhausted and fell, and they caught her. They dragged her to a tree and threw a rope over the limb, and began to make a noose in it, some holding her, meantime, and she crying and begging, and her young daughter looking on and weeping, but afraid to say or do anything.

They hanged the lady, and I threw a stone at her, although in my heart I was sorry for her; but all were throwing stones and each was watching his neighbor, and if I had not done as the others did it would have been noticed and spoken of. Eris burst out laughing.

All that were near by turned upon her, astonished and not pleased. It was an ill time to laugh, for her free and scoffing ways and her supernatural music had brought her under suspicion all over the town and turned many privately against her. The big blacksmith called attention to her now, raising his voice so that all should hear, and said:

"What are you laughing at? Answer! Moreover, please explain to the company why you threw no stone."

"Are you sure I did not throw a stone?"

"Yes. You needn't try to get out of it; I had my eye on you."

"And I—I noticed you!" shouted two others.

"Three witnesses," said Eris: "Mueller, the blacksmith; Klein, the butcher's man; Pfeiffer, the weaver's journeyman. Three very ordinary liars. Are there any more?"

"Never mind whether there are others or not, and never mind about what you consider us—three's enough to settle your matter for you. You'll prove that you threw a stone, or it shall go hard with you."

"That's so!" shouted the crowd, and surged up as closely as they could to the center of interest.

"And first you will answer that other question," cried the blacksmith, pleased with himself for being mouthpiece to the public and hero of the occasion. "What are you laughing at?"

Eris smiled and answered, pleasantly: "To see three cowards stoning a dying lady when they were so near death themselves."

You could see the superstitious crowd shrink and catch their breath, under the sudden shock. The blacksmith, with a show of bravado, said:

"Pooh! What do you know about it?"

"I? Everything. By profession I am a fortune-teller, and I read the hands of you three—and some others—when you lifted them to stone the woman. One of you will die to-morrow week; another of you will die to-night; the third has but five minutes to live—and yonder is the clock!"

It made a sensation. The faces of the crowd blanched, and turned mechanically toward the clock. The butcher and the weaver seemed smitten with an illness, but the blacksmith braced up and said, with spirit:

"It is not long to wait for prediction number one. If it fails, young lady, you will not live a whole minute after, I promise you that."

No one said anything; all watched the clock in a deep stillness which was impressive. When four and a half minutes were gone the blacksmith gave a sudden gasp and clapped his hands upon his heart, saying, "Give me breath! Give me room!" and began to sink down. The crowd surged back, no one offering to support him, and he fell lumbering to the ground and was dead. The people stared at him, then at Eris, then at one another; and their lips moved, but no words came. Then Eris said:

"Three saw that I threw no stone. Perhaps there are others; let them speak."

It struck a kind of panic into them, and, although no one answered her, many began to violently accuse one another, saying, "You said she didn't throw," and getting for reply, "It is a lie, and I will make you eat it!" And so in a moment they were in a raging and noisy turmoil, and beating and banging one another; and in the midst was the only indifferent one—the dead lady hanging from her rope, her troubles forgotten, her spirit at peace.

So we walked away, and I was not at ease, but was saying to myself, "She told them she was laughing at them, but it was a lie—she was laughing at me."

That made her laugh again, and she said, "Yes, I was laughing at you, because, in fear of what others might report about you, you stoned the woman when your heart revolted at the act—but I was laughing at the others, too."

"Why?"

"Because their case was yours."

"How is that?"

"Well, there were sixty-eight people there, and sixty-two of them had no more desire to throw a stone than you had."

"Eris!"

"Oh, it's true. I know your race. It is made up of sheep. It is governed by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise. Sometimes the noisy handful is right, sometimes wrong; but no matter, the crowd follows it. The vast majority of the race, whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind-hearted and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don't dare to assert themselves. Think of it! One kind-hearted creature spies upon another, and sees to it that he loyally helps in iniquities which revolt both of them. Speaking as an expert, I know that ninety-nine out of a hundred of your race were strongly against the killing of witches when that foolishness was first agitated by a handful of pious lunatics in the long ago. And I know that even to-day, after ages of transmitted prejudice and silly teaching, only one person in twenty puts any real heart into the harrying of a witch. And yet apparently everybody hates witches and wants them killed. Some day a handful will rise up on the other side and make the most noise—perhaps even a single daring man with a big voice and a determined front will do it—and in a week all the sheep will wheel and follow him, and witch-hunting will come to a sudden end.

"Monarchies, aristocracies, and religions are all based upon that large defect in your race—the individual's distrust of his neighbor, and his desire, for safety's or comfort's sake, to stand well in his neighbor's eye. These institutions will always remain, and always flourish, and always oppress you, affront you, and degrade you, because you will always be and remain slaves of minorities. There was never a country where the majority of the people were in their secret hearts loyal to any of these institutions."

I did not like to hear our race called sheep, and said I did not think they were.

"Still, it is true, lamb," said Eris. "Look at you in war—what mutton you are, and how ridiculous!"

"In war? How?"

"There has never been a just one, never an honorable one—on the part of the instigator of the war. I can see a million years ahead, and this rule will never change in so many as half a dozen instances. The loud little handful—as usual—will shout for the war. The pulpit will—warily and cautiously—object—at first; the great, big, dull bulk of the nation will rub its sleepy eyes and try to make out why there should be a war, and will say, earnestly and indignantly, 'It is unjust and dishonorable, and there is no necessity for it.' Then the handful will shout louder. A few fair men on the other side will argue and reason against the war with speech and pen, and at first will have a hearing and be applauded; but it will not last long; those others will outshout them, and presently the anti-war audiences will thin out and lose popularity. Before long you will see this curious thing: the speakers stoned from the platform, and free speech strangled by hordes of furious men who in their secret hearts are still at one with those stoned speakers—as earlier—but do not dare to say so. And now the whole nation—pulpit and all—will take up the war-cry, and shout itself hoarse, and mob any honest man who ventures to open his mouth; and presently such mouths will cease to open. Next the statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception."

For those who aren't obsessive readers of the Principia Discordia forum, I'd like to bring to your attention a little experiment that Broken AI/Horrendous Foreign Liam Stoat is currently conducting:


It's obviously a take off of the Surprise Me, God program started by Christian author Terry Esau with the difference being that the god you are asking for a surprise from is a psychotic bitch that has the worst sense of humor in the Milky Way. Asking Eris for anything is to place a price on your own head. To ask Her for a Surprise is to invite a cosmic disaster the likes of which has never been seen. And yet, a bunch of us spags are still brave enough to try it for Thirty Days. Most of us started on Feb. 23rd but feel free to start whenever you think you have enough courage to withstand Eris's Wrath. Hopefully all of us will still be alive by the time this is over.

And now here is an interesting movie called The Subconscious Art of Graffiti Removal. It's one of those things where it is impossible to tell where the truth ends and satire begins. On the one hand, graffiti removal should be considered a crime against nature for covering up legitimate art. On the other hand, some of the paint used for graffiti removal works really well as Minimalist Art. I am also intrigued by the thought of Subconscious Art put forth by this clip. Just like the Law of Fives, if you go in search of art in your everyday life then you will begin to see it everywhere. So that is your assignment for tomorrow. Look for subconscious art no matter where you are.



Tip of the paintbrush to Urban Prankster.

I have no idea what this is about but found it amusing anyways:



Courtesy of Pic is Unrelated, your one-stop shop for WTF pictures.

I've had a lot of time lately to do some recreation reading so I've been trying to bone up on Game Theory. You know, "the study of the ways in which strategic interactions among rational players produce outcomes with respect to the preferences (or utilities) of those players, none of which might have been intended by any of them". Just some light reading to keep me busy, nothing big. Anyways, I came upon the interesting concept of the Free Rider Problem. As Chris Firth put it:

Ernst Fehr has studied more complex economic games – called Common Good Games – in which many people play together. If everyone cooperates by putting their own money into the system, then everyone gains. But there are always a few people who behave unfairly. These are the free riders, players who realize that they can benefit from the fair behavior of other people without needing to donate any of their own money. Once free riders appear in the group, people gradually stop cooperating. Even the most generous player doesn’t see why she should go on supporting someone who is putting nothing into the system. As a result the group finishes up with less money than they could have gained with full cooperation. (emphasis mine)

This all sounded very familiar to me. Then it hit me! The Teabaggers are the Free Riders in our society. They are people that want to reap the benefits of living in a collective society without having to put in their share of contributions. They want to evade paying taxes while enjoying public roads, parks, police, firefighters, clean water, etc. But wait! There is a solution to the Free Rider Problem.

This is where altruistic punishment comes in. Ernst Fehr and Simon Gächter allowed players to punish the free riders. This was altruistic punishment since it cost $1 to punish another player, but that other player lost $3. When this punishment of the free riders is possible, then cooperation in the group steadily increases and everyone gains.

So there you have it. All we have to do is convince the government to sell permits to legally bop Teabaggers over the head with foam weapons. People would line up around the block for an opportunity like that. And just think, if we sell enough of them we can finally get rid of that nasty multi-trillion dollar deficit hanging over our heads. It's just crazy enough to work!

One of my most popular posts that still gets hits almost daily from Google was my piece on the OSS Simple Sabotage Manual from back in June. Since it was such a big hit with everyone I thought that I would post another interesting government document about fucking things up on purpose. This one is from the child of OSS, the Central Intelligence Agency. It is a little bit more nefarious than the Simple Sabotage Manual too. While The SSM merely talked about breaking machinery and gumming up the cogs of bureaucracy, the CIA Book of Dirty Tricks advises chemical warfare, fraud, property damage, and other downright nastiness. For instance:

Classified advertisements in your local newspaper are inexpensive little bullets that can cause major wounds to the mark's psyche if properly aimed. For instance, suppose you had a score to settle with some bitchy neighbors. You could insert a classified ad to "sell" their automobile. Price it five hundred dollars less than market value, instruct callers to call after midnight (shift work is the explanation you can offer), and explain in the ad that quick cash is needed for an emergency. That will bring in the phone calls.

And that is one of the tamer entries. Most of it is mean-hearted stuff that will easily gain you scads of enemies and/or jail time. Still, it is an interesting read that let's you see inside the brain of a sociopath bent on revenge. Enjoy!

CIA Book of Dirty Tricks

(As always, ChaoSkeptic does not advocate you doing anything mentioned in this document. Especially since most of it is highly illegal and immoral. Plus some of it is outdated and/or intentional misinformation. If you end up in the slammer I will not come bail you out.)

As many Christians tend to say, if you believe in the Bible then you have to believe in all of it. No cherry-picking. All or nothing. The atheist activist group Best Church of God decided to help their Christian friends out by throwing a little protest awhile back. In front of a bakery. Why you may ask?

Exodus 12:20: "Eat nothing made with yeast. Wherever you live, you must eat unleavened bread."



Yeah, yeah.. I can already hear the protests. Jesus came to abolish the Law. No one followed the Laws in the first place. LOL, CONTEXT!!1! But if you want to treat Genesis like a history book or use Leviticus to discriminate against homosexuals then you have to follow all of it. Not my rules, yours. So there!

The Yes Men are at it yet again! This time they found a hilarious way to pwn the US Chamber of Commerce. The Chamber has been in the news a lot lately because they've lost several key members, including Apple, PG&E, Levi Strauss & Co, and Nike, over their non-stance on climate change. To help improve the Chamber's image, the Yes Men decided to throw them a press conference at the National Press Club.

In a dramatic announcement at the National Press Club today, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce reversed its position on climate change policy, and promised to immediately cease lobbying against the Kerry-Boxer bill.

Not.

Within minutes of the Chamber's dramatic announcement, it was revealed that the "Chamber spokesperson" was an impostor, and the press conference an elaborate hoax designed by activists to draw attention to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce's "troglodytic" fight against climate change legislation. At the close of the news conference, a visibly rattled Chamber of Commerce spokesperson (Eric Wohlschlegel) barged into the room and declared the event a fraud.

Of course this was all caught on video:


Plus coverage by the Rachel Maddow show:

I was sorta disappointed by this one because there was no humorous angle to it other than having competing spokesmen trying to address the confused press at the exact same time. (I'm sure there was a better/funnier plan in place before the real spokesman showed up.) However, if it makes the US Chamber of Commerce readdress their stance on climate change then I'm all for it. Climate change is a settled scientific fact at this point. The only thing debatable at this point is how much is going to change, how fast, and what humans can do to slow it down. It's understandable the USCC wants to protect their business from over-regulation but there will be no business if we don't have a planet.

On that subject, here is a very handy link on How to Talk to a Climate Skeptic.

Ok, this is a secret so don't pass it around too much. The Golden Apple Seed Mission (GASM) Command has declared August 23 as Jake Day 2009. On that day your mission, if you should choose to accept it, is to send tons of weird letters, faxes, post cards, etc to some poor unsuspecting schmuck. I can't disclose who the Cosmic Schumuck is here just in case the Greyfaces at Google are watching. If you want to know all about the mission then go over to the entry at the Black Iron Prison wiki. If that isn't enough, then go hunt down Professor Cramulus and beat the rest out of him.


(Caution: this message will self-destruct in 3...2..)